Tuesday, June 3, 2008

I Want to Be Naked

...or why I need my own office.

I am a mess today. Besides the poison ivy, I am itchy all over (no it's not PI) from probably cheap moisturiser or the new body pouf I bought yesterday. I am going insane though. I seriously want to strip naked and roll around on the carpet like a dog. There are images of it going through my brain and I think...last night while I was scratching...I almost had an orgasm. I am TOTALLY not kidding. I am wearing a silk sweater and khaki (how do you spell that flippin' word anyway?) pants and the appropriate undergarments. All I want to do is rip them of and S C R A T C H!

Also, after I blogged about my nice evening, last night, I gouged the hee haw out of my finger (seriously, there is a hole) putting the new fixtures on the freshly painted (dried) kitchen drawers. I am usually quite handy but this was a freak accident. I am not going to be able to paint my nails for awhile.

I need wine when I get home.

UPDATE: I think my office mate just saw the title of this post. Eek

25 comments:

gaining some lb's said...

Very sorry to hear about the injury. I hope it is not on the hand you use to pick up the beverages. That would suck.

The the office dweller next to you to leave the office, there is somthing you need to do ALONE. LOL

And itch away.

Peace
#2

gaiing some lb's said...

Up above..I meant to say...

TELL THE OFFICE DWELLER....Not THE THE

THis is what happens when you are packing for 4....ugh. I hate packing.

peace
#2

Mrs. Romero said...

Okay, "hee haw" is a great substitute for what you really meant.. that's a keeper (although it also sounds like a backwoods name for a girls vajayjay).

Z's Mom said...

Wow! Sorry to hear about all the itching and the injury and all.....Try some Benadryl tonight....that might help with the itching.

Los said...

I had some scratching problems - I went to my doctor about it, and he said to put Selson Blue on it, and that it is a cure-all. And, it actually worked (I had the scratchiest back ever, and now I hardly ever scratch it).

Hullaballoo said...

Woohoo, scratching to orgasm, that's quite something lol. I hope you have cut your nails.

Don't worry about your work mate, they probably have secret yearnings to be naked too.

Talisman said...

I second the benadryl. Dope yourself up!

Tausha said...

ok-this should be a lesson to you-you can't buy cheep stuff-when it's going to touch your body! This includes but is not limited too, body wash, poof, soap, lotion and chocolate! You can never be too careful when it comes to ur body and chocolate. Now, I don't know what you are thinking-I love my chocolate mud mask!! So sorry about that-if I was you, i would run home, strip down, shower up with the new body wash and poof that was realy expensive that I picked up on the way Then maybe when you get out of the shower, you should have some "trucker wine" and all will be better!

Queen Mommy said...

Um, ewwww that your office mate saw the title!

I know that itch and it is TORTURE! Sheer torture!

DC tonight, things are looking up!

Christine said...

Lol, what a great post. I feel for you - I might even have snuck a glass of wine at lunch!

Muffy Willowbrook said...

Self medicating with wine?

Sounds about right! :-)

Mamahut said...

Don't you just hate lurking co-workers? Just be glad you have fur babies, my babies are always trying to lurk at my blogging.

Will you come and paint my house? I already painted 2 of the million rooms in my house for you. I will share some homemade peach wine that I have been saving. Or lets save our energy and fingers and just drink wine and blog K? K.

Snooty Primadona said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Snooty Primadona said...

Okay, I had a great laugh with this one. Funnnny!

Don't feel too badly. I tried to cut off the tip of my ring finger back in January and it took 9 stitches to get it back on. The tip is still a bit numb. But at least I didn't have a nosy office neighbor sneaking a peek over my shoulder trying to read my crazy blog.

Kat said...

I'm so sorry. I do suggest the benadryl. I get itchy skin with my seasonal allergies. I will scratch them till they are bleeding sometimes. And then a few weeks ago, My scalp all of a sudden decided to be allergic to my hair dye. Now that was some ugly scratchin' - ugly!

christie said...

Hope you get a chance to really scratch that itch!
As for your "looker" - go ahead, give 'em a show! :-)

Holy Crappers said...

Flash your office worker a boob, that will teach them!

#1

Mama Dawg said...

Hahahaha! Orgasmic scratching? Been there, done that. Well, not literally, but I know the feeling you're referring to. Almost the same feeling I get the very second I take off my bra after wearing it for 12 hours.

Guess Who? said...

mmmm....naked Jen. Can't wait for the picture!

scargosun said...

oooo! My first stalker.

No clue who that is...wish they'd send me an email or something.

BS5 Blogger said...

This was funny! Naked and rolling around with great satisfaction like G Dog. There's a Friday Crackberry pic! Hee hee.

Hope you feel less itchy soon.

Alaina said...

Great post! I actually laughed out loud. Physically... instead of just thinking about laughter. Yeah. It was good.

Lula! said...

Girl...you need some Ginger Mint shower gel. Read my latest for more info...

Shelby said...

You crack me UP woman! Sorry about your injury.

Boyfriend just peeped over my shoulder and exclaimed "I WANNA BE NAKED!"

God help me...

LiteralDan said...

You should start giving suggestive titles to all posts, to keep your office mate on his/her toes