A little while back I wrote a post about how I was getting used to being the one with out kids. Today, I am not feeling that. For the past two evenings, I have spent dinner with 2 seperate groups of friends (high school and bookclub) and 95% of the talk was about their kids. Last night, I actually wanted to cry because all I could do was sit there and listen about camp, summer scheduling, strollers, poop, music lessons and I don't know what else. The thing is, I do understand, really I do. Kids are a HUGE part of their life and when you get together with friends, isn't that what you talk about, your life? It was just so frustrating that anything that goes on with me, wasn't relatable to them at all and it's not like I lead a very exciting life. I get this feeling that anyone with kids just sees me as...less or a 'before kids' version of friend. I don't have kids so my life must not be as difficult, I don't have kids so I must have all this free time to dance around naked or something more frivilous. Maybe it is all just in my head. Maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself. I don't know.
I do know, I miss having meaningful book discussions at my bookclub, I miss having my friends talking about things other than their kids. I am jealous of that new bond my friends seemed to have formed with each other, that Mommy-bond. I can't compete and I am not sure what to do about it.
Sorry for the bit of a downer post but I really felt like bursting into tears last night in the middle of dinner. I spent some time trying to figure out if I got a bad batch of Prozac or I was really just upset.
Also, for the record, I love reading blogs about your families and I do truly love my friends with kids.