I jotted down some notes while I was at the Cape and one was about the power that seems to reside there for me. I wrote this down on my first night because of the massive thunderstorms that were rolling through and the way they made me feel. The lightening, the clouds and the wind seemed so much more fierce than they do at home. I am not sure if it was just the fact that we were next to the water but in my mind, it was the same power that pulls me there every year. Even though I am not there at this moment, I feel my heart physically being pulled away as if I should be moving back to that place.
The dreams I have there are more realistic and almost crisp; those dreams that seem so real you are not sure they didn't happen. I had a quick though emotional one while I was there. I dreamed that Peter and I had just arrived. It was night and my Mom came out to greet us. We walked into the house and as I turned the corner, there was my Dad, clear as can be. The dream lasted moments in my head but I remember he had on a blue tee shirt and shorts. His hair was the dark brown almost black with peppered grey he had before he lost it from the chemo. It was just so fast. Just a glimpse but there was so much in that glimpse. I saw that he had been relaxing in the sunroom, waiting for our arrival. He was looking forward to seeing us there and enjoying our time together. I felt all of this and so much more in just that short time. I am teary just thinking about it now and that is a big deal for me because I tend to block most emotions pretty much ever since he got so sick. The emotions that I was able to feel at the Cape, allowed me to relax and open up my mind while I was there. This is why I so strongly feel that I belong there. It's like when I am there, there is a piece of me that fits with the rest and then I am complete; able to cry, able to laugh, able to feel.