Thursday, September 23, 2010

Writers WorkShop: Don't You Just Want to Squeeze Him...Just Not too Hard

This is M-dog.

Isn't he a cuddle-umpkins?

You better say yes or I will sick his sister G-dog on you and she will jump on you until you let her kiss you on the face.

M-dog is a big love bug who is a scardy cat. His jumping around when we encounter other dogs on walks (and teenagers in black shirts and white vans and the occasional blow up chair) is often misconstrued as aggressive dog behavior.  It is hard to see him not be able to romp with other doggies besides G-dog and to constantly look out for other dogs around corners and such. 


You might think this is his worst trait and while it is difficult to deal with at times, the fact that we know he is a cuddly bunch of love is fine.  He does have another issue that is most difficult to deal with, on normally associates with beer guzzling, junk food eating, snoring, uncouth men...

he farts!


Yes, you say, all dogs fart.  Yes they do but do they wake you in the middle of the night with their silent stench?  Oh, yes...they are the silent but deadly type.  You never have time to prepare.  It can happen anywhere and at anytime.  Is it associated with an urgent need to use the facilities (grass, bushes, etc)?  No, he will let one fly foul just after he's been ...um...out.  Is it when he is scared?  Sure it has happened but is not narrowed down to a stressful squirt. 

M-dog is exceptionally good at carpet bombing or crop dusting; walking in to a room, letting one loose and walking out.  Then when you turn up your nose and pass out he is confused. 

I sincerely wonder sometimes if he doesn't even know that thing came from him.  He likely thinks the smell came from one of us and probably likes it less than we do because he cannot distinguish it as his 'own brand'.  In his mind we are the foul humans who need a bath or Beano or something. 

Still you can't help but want to love him and cuddle him and squeeze him...like I said about though...just don't squeeze too hard...you don't know what might...um...what you might unleash.

7 comments:

Andrew Green said...

Heh heh....
He sounds charming.

I never had a dog growing up, and think I may have missed the bandwagon forever on that one. I'm kind of afraid of the animals nowadays, even though I wanted one oh so badly as a boy.

All kids should have a dog, I say.

As Cape Cod Turns said...

I could smell it through your writing. Maybe you should hang an air freshener from his tail?

Soccer Mom said...

Ahhh...dogs rock don't they? I actually hear my Golden Retriever do it sometimes which people swear you can't hear...so funny!

Kelly @ The Startup Wife said...

Hahhaha! This made me laugh. He's so cute! He looks *so* innocent, too ...

Los said...

Dog farts are terrible. This dog seems to have a sense of humor with it!

Honey Mommy said...

I am seriously laughing over here! Have you ever read the children's book, "Walter the farting dog" ? It is hilarious and sounds a bit like your dog and his tooty booty.

Jamie said...

Our dog went through a phase where he could literally stink up our entire house. I was googling to find out WHY he smelled so bad. It was awful. AWFUL!!