Thursday, July 24, 2008

Halfway Point

I get edgy every year about this time when I am here.  I have the sense that my time here is half over and my heart begins to hurt.  I wander the cottage aimlessly, looking for something to occupy my mind so that I don't think about the next few days.  I realize that I am supposed to live in the moment and I am working on it but here, where I know that I 'belong' more than anywhere on earth, the pull and the heartache of leaving is too close to push away. 
Since I was a very little girl and I realized what it meant to me, I have cried as we crossed the bridge to the mainland.  I still do.  This is the one place where my emotions run unchecked, I've less control over them than I do anywhere else.  I realize that having something like that is precious.  Some people wish or search for it their whole lives and never find it.  I have found it but is it something that I should look towards making permanent or should it remain a place I visit?  I have struggled with this for years and hopefully someday, I will find my answer because for the moment, as much as I love my time here, time now feels like my enemy.

10 comments:

Snooty Primadona said...

Oh, I hear you on this one. When we still had our lake house, I wanted to live there forever. So, hubby sold it so I wouldn't make him move there to retire, lol.

Basque in those few days left my friend, and let it wash over you like a soft blankie. It will hold you for a while. Maybe.

Philly said...

Look at it this way.....at least you get a vacation
Could be worse

#1

asthmagirl said...

I get you. I felt very grounded in my Grammy's beach house. My dad sold it to pay for nursing home care. I miss it.

Hope you enjoy the rest of your time there!

MsFish said...

Hi! It's "As Cape Cod Turn's" sister! :)SO great to meet you the other day! I just wanted to send you a quick comment about this post...I felt that some way about two places in my life (Maine and the Cape) and I found that, if you can just "let go", sometimes the choices are made for you! :) Hope to see you again soon!

Vicki said...

I hate that feeling when you know your time is short. Make it a goal to find something to revel in these last few days. Be purposeful. That's about all I have, 'cuz it sucks.

Los said...

I tend to do this anytime I'm on vacation ... I start counting down the days (not in a good way) as I approach the end of it ... and it makes me sad. I try not to, but I always seem to do this ... especially in the Outer Banks.

KathyLikesPink said...

I know exactly what you mean. I feel the same way. Now I try to go back once or twice during the year. It's winter, and it's different, but I still love it.

KC said...

I am bad like that. From the second I start a vacation, I begin counting down till my vacay is over. I think its a sickness :(

L.R. M-J said...

Z- I'm going to have to agree with MSfish on this one...sometimes you just have to stop thinking & focusing on your quandry...let it go and life sometimes makes the decision for you...Lord knows if you'd told me a year ago I'd be living in a 300yr old fixer upper, own it and be in the country...I would have told you to stop smoking that crack! Deep breaths and photos my friend....gros bisous!

Tiffany said...

That is such a great post. It's so great that you know "your place" and so sad that you can't be there all the time.