Whew! I took a few days off. I hope you don't mind but between work and work and Thanksgiving, I took a bit of time to lounge about in bed with my addiction...books.
I needed to get lost in someone else's life for awhile because the stuff that has been happening here is really making it hard to make it through the day with out meds (remember I stopped those 6 months ago...rethinking that whole decision). Between the Kmart, WalMart and Mumbai violence I am really losing my faith in humanity. Then, I read an article today on CNN about a dog that was beaten with a hammer in an Atlanta park and left to die. It about pushed me over the edge.
Trying to focus on the positive is like when you are cooking spaghetti and you use a spoon to try to lift a couple noodles out to test it. They all fall off and you keep trying to get one and then when you finally do, you end up dropping it on the floor because it burned your mouth or your finger. It's so frustrating and then add the anger and sadness on top of that and you have a meltdown.
So far I have been able to avoid meltdowns only by fate. I will be close to the edge and then I'll see the story about the nanny that saved the toddler from the soldiers in Mumbai or I'll hear "Christmas Time is Here" from A Charlie Brown Christmas. What I find remarkable is how something so small as a song or even a few notes from a song can bring me back from the edge. Even this blog helps. As write, I see the pattern I fall into and even though I haven't figured out a way to fix it, I can at least see it. I guess that means I should be writing more instead of taking days off. ;)