I did not blog last week really because...well...I barely wanted to breathe. You see, our house has been in a state of disarray for about about two months now. This was a combination of piles of stuff in the living room that was for a yard sale. We were having a yard sale because we cleaned out the room we were using for storage because that room was getting finished to be used as a combo dining and 'Masterpiece Theatre' area. Then, we also had been waiting for a fridge for a long time from Best Buy and then needed to be cut and sanded down, blah, blah, blah.
For me, it was a nightmare. I have issues. I know, who doesn't? Unfortunately, my issues lead me to Crazytown when I can't get a handle on the condition of my home. I tend to spiral off into rants that make no sense and lose all focus when my house is in the condition it was a few days ago. Mostly, it is my husband who gets the brunt of it. I don't need the house spotless (although that makes me very happy) I just need it tidy. Last week there was a conspiracy against me. Between the cluttered crap, the curtains being closed ALL the time to hide the crap and the fruit flies I started to seriously lose it. I remembered the feelings of anxiety and they frightened me. The more I got scared, the worse I felt. It was a big nasty circle.
Now, the yard sale (which I will write about later) took care of the crap in the living room, the kitchen is clean and free of (almost) all fruit flies, the fridge is in and working great. I was finally able to make dinner in my kitchen without having to scrounge for counter space. I have my house back and I feel so much better.
The reason I am writing about this is because, looking back on how I felt and the way I handled it all tells me that I need to do somethings to help myself out. I am not handling my anxiety/depression well and I think it's time I went back to someone to talk about it or get something medicinal to help me focus. At times I feel like I am weak for needing this but then other times I see that at least I can recognize the warning signs rather than letting get as bad as it got several years ago. This time I am choosing to get some help and it feels better. Hopefully soon, I will get back to feeling really good...one step at a time.
Getting my house in order in this case means not only my physical house but my mental one as well.