Monday, October 11, 2010

Finally Have My House Back

I did not blog last week really because...well...I barely wanted to breathe.  You see, our house has been in a state of disarray for about about two months now.  This was a combination of piles of stuff in the living room that was for a yard sale.  We were having a yard sale because we cleaned out the room we were using for storage because that room was getting finished to be used as a combo dining and 'Masterpiece Theatre' area.  Then, we also had been waiting for a fridge for a long time from Best Buy and then needed to be cut and sanded down, blah, blah, blah.

For me, it was a nightmare.  I have issues.  I know, who doesn't?  Unfortunately, my issues lead me to Crazytown when I can't get a handle on the condition of my home.  I tend to spiral off into rants that make no sense and lose all focus when my house is in the condition it was a few days ago.  Mostly, it is my husband who gets the brunt of it.  I don't need the house spotless (although that makes me very happy) I just need it tidy.  Last week there was a conspiracy against me.  Between the cluttered crap, the curtains being closed ALL the time to hide the crap and the fruit flies I started to seriously lose it. I remembered the feelings of anxiety and they frightened me.  The more I got scared, the worse I felt.  It was a big nasty circle.

Now, the yard sale (which I will write about later) took care of the crap in the living room, the kitchen is clean and free of (almost) all fruit flies, the fridge is in and working great.  I was finally able to make dinner in my kitchen without having to scrounge for counter space.   I have my house back and I feel so much better. 

The reason I am writing about this is because, looking back on how I felt and the way I handled it all tells me that I need to do somethings to help myself out.  I am not handling my anxiety/depression well and I think it's time I went back to someone to talk about it or get something medicinal to help me focus.  At times I feel like I am weak for needing this but then other times I see that at least I can recognize the warning signs rather than letting get as bad as it got several years ago.  This time I am choosing to get some help and it feels better.  Hopefully soon, I will get back to feeling really good...one step at a time. 

Getting my house in order in this case means not only my physical house but my mental one as well.

8 comments:

Kelley with Amy's Angels said...

As my friend Amy called it, "I went to see the crying doctor today...".

Regardless of what you call it--I think going to see someone isn't bad at all! Good for you for recognizing that you need someone to help you sort it all out. :)

Kelly @ The Startup Wife said...

I totally feel you on the tidiness thing--I tend to freak out a little when things are a mess. I just can't relax. J feels the opposite, so I'll be flying off the handle, running around trying to pick up, getting testy and irritated and he'll be like ... what?

And I feel you on the anxiety/depression too. I'm sorry to hear things have been rough. Here's hoping you're able to find great care and happier times soon. :)

Andrew Green said...

My mom had a yard sale this weekend. It was an insane amount of work for relatively little profit. I think she made, like, 70 dollars.

I feel your pain.

Los said...

My wife is EXACTLY like this ... it has been amplified because of the pregnancy!

Diane said...

I went and cried on my doctor this year. I just wasn't handling things very well... my sleep was off. I could feel it getting worse and I hadn't been using anything for years. I feel so much better now. Not bullet proof, just better able to handle everyday life. What a relief!

L.R. M-J said...

Do they make drugs to help you handle schmuckers that schmuck up your renovation & basically make you completely lose a year of your life? I want that drug if you find it! ;) I would dream to be in your house...if that makes you feel any better, think of my hellhole!

Snooty Primadona said...

Good grief! Are you my cloned daughter or something? I swear blogging has helped with my own issues. I rant like a crazy woman, but my hubby is happier, even though I get less followers with each rant, LOL!

Email me anytime. However, I haven't been too available lately due to my own cleaning/organizing issues. Argh!

Jolon said...

Thanks for visiting my blog! I appreciate that you write with such honesty! I'm hoping to do the same on my new blog.

I'm the same way -- clutter in my home clutters up my mind.

You will find your way through. :)