Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Bad Wife

I wish I was talking about anyone else but me. P has been working on the kitchen. The paint is done and then last night he started on the floors. It is all coming together but I have been NO help at all.

You see, there are a few things that I asked him to do BEFORE the painting began. The walls in the kitchen are not in great shape. Sections needed to be slightly repaired before more paint went on the walls. We spoke about it extensively many times before painting began. What did he do? Paint over the sections that needed to be repaired instead of fixing them. Does it look good? No. Did we get into a blow out over it? Yes. I can't even get into the nuances of the fight here because they were so moronic (on his side) I almost collapsed on the floor in a 3 year old fit. Actually, I might have, the rage was quite blinding. Bottom line, he didn't feel like doing it so it didn't get done. I am still not over it.

My problem is, from outside the kitchen, the paint and the flooring that is being worked on now, looks really good. Let me repeat, from outside the kitchen. Who spends lots of time in the kitchen? Me. It's my place. P has the family room with his huge tv, extensive stereo gear and XBox. I have the kitchen with it's warmth, good scents and cookbooks. So now, I am torn daily between rage that he didn't care enough about my area (BTW, I also cook for him on an almost daily basis, where?) and guilt that I don't appreciate the fact he is doing this.

I feel like crawling UNDER the bed.

22 comments:

Mama Dawg said...

Unfortunately, I'm like your hubby.

However, I feel your side. I know how you're feeling. Just cause I'm like your hubby, it doesn't mean I don't get upset at myself for not doing it right in the first place.

See, I totally have a marriage to myself! I'm both the hubby and the wife!

Laura Ingalls Gunn said...

After the incident of the Christmas tree being held in place with a large piece of rope tied to the banister.... I got proactive.
If I don't want his version, then I educate myself on how to do mine by myself.
It's a marriage saver, and I am amazing with a drill now. :)

American in Norway said...

I think it is a MAN thing... he didn't think it looked too bad..so he didn't bother to repair it.. Been there girl.. Hang in there! (Your NOT a bad wife.. You are human)

L.R. M-J said...

ah yes...the cry of the perfectionist, not the bad wife, shame on you! So, as a fellow anal-retentivite...I have to say that T learned the way of perfectionism and now has 76 different levels!! But, either you have to re-do it yourself, have him re-do it or be miserable forever....yes, the kitchen is my sanity so I say re-do it, re-do it...your sanity is worth it! Hugs from your empathetic and sympathetic friend currently living insanely in her aaaak poor excuse for a kitchen!

Muffy Willowbrook said...

Ya know - I'm with you. My kitchen is SUCH a big part of my life, as weird as that sounds, and I know Commander would want it to be exactly the way I wanted it. I'm sure you are very gracious, and there's no reason why you can't ask for the small repairs as well.

KDLOST said...

kitchens are important. you need your thinking space. i mean it IS such a huge part our lives that we have a nice ambience!

good luck with all of that!! oh, and you're NOT a bad wife.

McBöbø said...

Well duh! If it ain't really broke, don't really fix it. If it's your bug-bear, get on and do it. It's not like your some incapable itsy-bitsy woman.

Besides, passive .... aggressive ...

trons said...

You DO sound like a 3 year old throwing a fit.

If he said he would do it your way, he should have done it your way.

Since he didn't, either live with it or do it yourself.

asthmagirl said...

Yeah... those are some tough emotions all right. When my hubs dropped the ball on home repairs, I stepped in and finished them. He didn't like my work, but I wanted it done.

I suppose in your shoes, I would go back to the bad parts of the wall and either replace it, learn to do wall repair or hire it done. Then you don't feel bad.

Kelley with Amy's Angels said...

I'm sorry this happened. But this is clearly a case of "What? I-think-it's-fine" syndrome. As it has been stated--you're human.

It's OK. This too shall pass.

And I'm a bad bloggy person. I still need to get you the caramel & toffee recipe! ERRRR!

BS5 Blogger said...

Hmmmmmmm, tough call! Controversial shout from Bristol, England but I think you have been hard done by and the walls should have been properly seen to. That sounds like a rough deal for 'your space'.

I think American in Norway has it on the money.

Any paint on G-Dog, or is she still regular G-Dog colour?

J'Ollie Primitives said...

One thing I've learned is if I want it done my way I have to do it myself. So much for the art of compromise. But it does keep the tempers (mine) somewhat under wraps ~
The kitchen is your domain, if you can do the repair, go for it, if not hang a picture over it!

Caffeine Court said...

This is the stuff that causes divorces!!! LOL

Seriously these little arguments with my husband drive me nuts. Maybe hang some cute pictures over the messed up parts of the wall?

kccat said...

When I first read the title of this blog, the first thing I thought was "surely she isn't talking about herself". I can't see you being a bad wife. And you aren't. I feel ya on this one girl. I am pretty sure we have had the same fight 3 years ago.

sheila said...

Personally, I'd hang some artwork. Then I would 'forget' to cook for two weeks. Especially during those big game days when he's sitting at the tv.

This is why I have learned to do things myself.

Kat said...

First you are not a bad wife. And the people saying that you are passive agressive - well, I think he's being passive agressive in that you talked about how you wanted it done, but he did the easier thing instead.

Sometimes I think that the passive agressive stuff is so that we won't ask them to do things anymore. For me, that's true. But instead of doing it myself, I'll hire someone. And my cheapie husband's antics bite him in the ass.

Did I just write all that??? :-)

(Okay...I just LOL...word verification is musti)

Jen said...

I feel for you and totally understand. I can't really offer advice but just, I know.

Lindsay said...

You are definitely not a bad wife. It's your comfort space, and no one wants to feel like crap in their comfort place. It's defeats its purpose.

I either have to agree with Laura Ingalls Gunn or my own thoughts: if you want it done right, through some money at the problem and never look back. That's what contractors and their minions are for. :)

Sue said...

Throw him under the bed!
I call my husband "half-ass" because he always does jobs half way. It drives me crazy, but prompted me to get my own tool kit and do a lot of things myself. I still stew about stuff, but at least it gets done to my standards.
Um, by complaining about this in anyway will not make you a bad wife. You are a wonderful person. Keep that in mind.

honkeie2 said...

I am not touching this with a ten foot pole.....but I try to keep the one that holds the key to 'the sex box' happy at all cost!

Live.Love.Eat said...

Yikes. I would want my husband to do it thr right away, especially in the room that I love and spend most of my time in. Not to add fuel to the fire......

~Sheila~ said...

Awww, man. Now I am getting a prelude to what might just happen with Angel concerning the house and everything that needs to be fixed. We have all of the weight-lifting gear piled up next to my computer and the kitchen is alright but the living room is a huge disaster. My mother in law started painting but some of the wall has been torn off and it looks pretty crappy. We moved an old piano out of the house (cause it wasn't ours nor was it in any kind of good shape) but while we got it outside...we cracked the tile right outside the door and it's in bits. Nothing matches in this house and it needs COMPLETE RENOVATIONS.
I forsee future disagreements and Angel spending many nights on the couch. (if things don't go my way!)