scargosun

Self Preservation and the Task Manager

2012-01-25T13:52:00.000-05:00

My Mom told me today that a friend of our family slit their wrists. My first thought was "I understand."

Is that wrong?

What I meant was that I understand the darkness that can be in our heads and that there is a careful balance of processes that keeps us from harming ourselves. Many people don't even realize this is going on. Self preservation is just something that happens in the background, like a process on your computer that you don't ever mess with. For some of us, at points in our lives, it takes a conscious effort to keep that self preservation at the top of our normal processes.

Most people don't ever look at their task manager on their computer when things are going well but there are all these processes that run without you having a clue what they do. As long as your computer is running you just march on with your work or Facebooking or Tweeting or whatever.

BUT!

When something throws your computer off, it freezes and gets slow. If you have a little knowledge of your PC, you'll check out your Task Manager. All of a sudden it all becomes clear, there are a million processes running, taking up all of your memory and messing with the priorities of the processes that should be running. All of a sudden, the number one thing that is keeping your computer running is somewhere low on the list, getting outrun by other crap.

This is what happens to your self preservation when you have something interfering with your normal processes; stress or something from outside like drugs or alcohol. It can be devastating to the normal process of life in the worst cases. In the worst cases, thoughts of suicide can come through and in the very worst case, they can become more than thoughts.

In the case of your computer, you can try to close some programs to slow things down, get the priorities straightened out. That is the healthy way to deal with it. The worst thing you can do, in a fit of frustration and confusion is a cold shut down - turn it off - pull the plug. After you have done that you have run the risk that you can't get your computer back. It could be gone forever.

In the case of a life - the same is true.

Through Christmas Failure Comes Inner Peace...kinda

2011-12-26T18:24:00.001-05:00

It seemed like a great idea. My brother's girlfriend suggested we have a gingerbread house making contest. Then we decided to have my aunt judge it when the extended family got together. We'd make them Christmas Day while we were all together. P and I decided a lighthouse would be a great idea. We had thoughts about the decoration and everything. Sounds like fun, huh? I thought so until the logistics started coming together in my mind.

Side Note: I really hope this in no way offends my brother's girlfriend. I really wish I had her baking acumen. She is one of those amazing people that can wake up at 4am and then bake amazing stuff after work and graduate school classes. Love her!

I was already stressed beyond belief for a hundred reasons other than the Christmas season but that is for another post. Even though I quit Lottery Yarn and was looking forward to my first holiday in six years without a retail schedule in addition to a regular day job to worry about, it seemed like there was still no time to finish everything (being away for Thanksgiving and then being diagnosed with walking pneumonia probably didn't help). My wrapping sucked, my gift ideas were not as creative as usual and my cooking was suffering. So with Christmas day fast approaching, I was feeling the additional stress of making a gingerbread house. I ended up making gingerbread dough at 11pm on Christmas Eve - two batches. I woke up bleary eyed and exhausted at 8am to begin our day.

When I checked in with my Mom's house, my brother informed me that they were going to do theirs on the 26th since technically it was not due until the 27th. I felt a wave of relief wash over me. I had another day! The dough could chill in the fridge for another day, no problem. We could do it on my day off and I could enjoy Christmas with my family and relax a little bit - never an easy task for me.

The gingerbread dough mocked me from inside the fridge the next morning as I grabbed the cream for my coffee. It sat there, two mean lumps of flour, sugar and molasses. I finally pulled it out to soften before rolling it out. I gave it a good 20 minutes and began trying to roll it into the requisite quarter inch round. I have never worked with such and unfriendly mound of dough. It was hard, it cracked, it tore at the parchment paper, taking me another 20 minuets to roll it out so that I would have an area large enough to cut out one of the 4 sides of the lighthouse. P even tried to help and declared it a nightmare. I continued rolling and cutting most of the afternoon. When I finally had the 4 pieces rolled, cut and baked, I checked them to see if they were true enough to stand together. They were awful. There wasn't enough royal icing in the world to help us. I finally had the meltdown that I could see coming from before Christmas Day.

In between retching sobs I asked, "Why can't I do this?! Other people can bake and shop and wrap and get everything done. Why is it impossible for me to do this? Every year it just seems like I am falling on my face." I felt like such a failure. I think I had less to do this year but felt like it was double because of everything else that had been going on in my life this month. I sobbed and rubbed my eyes till I saw stars. I finally made the call to my Mom's house and told them that the blobs of dough had beaten me. I could not make a gingerbread house in time. No one was upset (except me) no one judged me (except me) and no one thought I was a complete slacker failure (except me).

As soon as I got off the phone I cried a little more and then stopped. After a few minutes I sighed with relief. P and I put away all the candy we bought to decorate the gingerbread house (on a high shelf so I would be less tempted to eat it). I sighed a couple more times to let it sink in that there was something off my plate. Finally my shoulders came down from around my ears and I stopped wringing my fingers. I stopped wondering how strange it would look for me to be the only one without a gingerbread house to present (ok, I am still worried about that). I still worried that I was just being a lazy, slacker but then it hit me - I am not a gingerbread house person and that is OK.

The realization was life affirming. I am not a gingerbread house person! I am a tie things with pretty bows and wrap presents Lottery Yarn style and make food that can be eaten person! Damn the gingerbread house dough and bring on the decadent cheese plate, artfully presented by yours truly. Bring on the recipes for apps and main courses and sides for me to do and then reinvent. That is ME and right now it is about all I can handle.

I hope you all are cool with that because I am trying REALLY hard to be.

New candy shelf.

You Never Knew Me but You Saved Me

2011-04-08T14:51:00.001-04:00

I used to participate in Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop...when I was blogging regularly. I still read the emails that let me know about the prompts ahead of time and one caught my eye this week.

"Write about someone who made your childhood bearable."

Now I had a good childhood, a very good childhood. I had parents who loved me, I went to good schools and had 2 acres of woods to play in. I was lucky. To read those lines and if you met me, you'd think that I didn't need anyone to make my childhood 'bearable'...but I did.

I was never comfortable in my own skin. I always fell awkward, not the awkward that comes with regular adolescence. It was more than that, I never felt like I belonged where I was. I still don't a lot of the time. In school I felt like my joining things was always forced and uncomfortable. Outside of school I didn't feel shy just, always out of place. There was only once place in the world where I didn't feel out of place, East Dennis on Cape Cod.

Now if you have read my blog before you may know that I have always described the place that my family goes on the Cape as the place where my soul dwells. I may have also spoken about the home we've stayed for those glorious days. We've rented the home from the same family for 30 years. It has become a part of me and my time at the Cape. The home and the Cape are woven together, I can't tell where one begins and the other ends. It is truly a home, not a rental house.

When I was younger, my Mom would have the kids write thank you notes to the woman who owned the home and we'd leave them for her. I think it was the only thank you note I ever enjoyed writing. As much as I think she knew how important the Cape was to me from those notes, I know she probably never realized that she really saved me in a lot of ways.

The awkwardness and out of place feelings really got bigger as I got bigger, though you would not have known it if you'd seen the 10 year old running along the jetty rocks, seemingly without fear. When I was in sixth grade, I broke a picture with glass. I thought about using that glass to cut myself. I was at a point where I felt I could not win, school was unbearable, my sister constantly taunted me, not only did I have the usual 'out of place' feeling but on top of that I was getting all the normal adolescent fears. I remember I was in my school uniform, it was probably February or March. The thought that stopped me was, "I'll miss the Cape if I do that. If I'm not here." It was a turning point for me and although I would always struggle with depression, when things got to their worst in my mind, I would always think about that time I would have at the Cape if I just stuck it out. I'd count days and hours and tick them off in my head. I knew at 11 years old that if I could just make it to July or August I would be able to go and refuel myself in a way. I still, to this day, think that way.

As I got older, I started to form an idea about why I always feel so out of place. I think it is because piece of me dwells in that home in East Dennis. There was a woman who made it possible for me to find the place where my soul fully lives, if only for a week a year. She saved me many, many times and she never even knew it. She helped me understand what it was like to live completely and fully, if only for a little bit at a time. I am 'in place' there.

I found out yesterday as I was contemplating the prompt I mentioned in the first paragraph that the woman who owned the home died about two weeks ago, she was 96 years old. I hope she knew the joy she brought to that little girl who wrote her those thank you notes. Maybe that's all she should know. The dark side of it isn't as important.

Rest in Peace - HBS.

I Like Grammar or I Was Called a Snob on Facebook Today

2011-04-06T16:11:00.000-04:00

Let's let the fact that I have not posted in...many moons go at the moment or maybe forever and concentrate on the reason for my post.

I was called a snob on Facebook today.

I was also told that 'flaming' people for grammar and or spelling was passe. Sacré bleu! Actually, I thought the word or any way of saying 'flame' went out with "The Knot" chat rooms when speaking to someone's 'dollar dance' choice or selection of navy bridesmaid dresses with a flower other than a Gerber daisy.

But I digress.

I was called a snob because I thought that it was important that when you are stomping for a cause, whether it be on Facebook or the White House steps, that you clearly express yourself. I was on a comment thread about disaster in Japan and all the radioactive waste pouring into the ocean. It became very clear to me that those responding were passionate about the fact that they were scared and angry but they had no actual facts to back up their fear or anger because all they were doing was complaining bordering on whining. You know the type I am talking about, complaining about problems but only offering solutions that would NEVER work (getting rid of all nuclear energy) for our current state of affairs.

Sidebar: This post is neither pro nor anti nuclear energy.

Back to the program. When I say 'never work' I don't mean that they are beyond the realm of possibility, I mean they would never work because of the people suggesting the 'solutions'.

Here's an example: "Humans are really stupid animals ,selfish and dirty,not one other spezies will handle the nature like humans do ."

Here is another: "don't eat seafood. i'm not touching it. between the gulf, this radioactive stuff and the huge island of garbage, all of the water is connected. i'm not eating seafood."

Now tell me, how many of you (ok, no one is reading this because I have not posted in ages and lost all my followers but maybe someone will) took those comments seriously? Did they cause you to re-think your humanity or daily food choice? If it did...stop reading now and go try to get your money back for the land in Florida you bought and a return on those magic beans.

Now how about this comment (on a different thread becuase I could not find an intelligent on the one mentioned above): "There have been many scientific studies undertaken demonstrating the positive effects of meditation on the body. The mind/body connection has been proven many times over the past several decades. As a mediator and someone who experienced a occipital stroke, I personally know the recovery of my sight is directly linked to my meditation practice."

Which of the three comments intrigued you and made you want to learn more?

Seriously if you pick the wrong one I will slap you in the brain.

It's pretty obvious, right? The first two only offer opinions not backed up with personal or other experience. The last states that there are specific reasons for why the person believes in the cause or idea being presented.

Now I understand Facebook is not Nature or Scientific American or even InTouch all I am am saying is that if you are going to express yourself or take the time to actually impart your opinion on a point or cause important to you, wouldn't you want it to be as clear as possible to get your point across? I'd seriously rather listen (and poke fun of) Glenn Beck (and you know how I HATE him) rather than listen to the rantings of an food activist (and I am into my clean, non-GMO, organic, humanely raised, food) who swears and screams and cries but doesn't tell me how he got to his beliefs. Passion is great and all but it can burn out. Knowledge is forever in your brain whether you change your opinions or not.

I don't think that it makes me a snob to want people with opinions to have facts and concise thinking to back them up. I am perfectly willing to listen to just about anyone's argument, even if I think it's wrong, as long as you think you can back it up. If you can't, keep your mouth shut (and fingers still).

Celebrate Those That Have Passed...With a Picnic

2010-11-01T14:52:00.000-04:00

If you have read my blog in the past you may have seen this poem I wrote for one of Mama Kat's Workshop days.

When the fall days ripen into an orange haze,
When the shop windows fill with leaves and candles and webs
I think back to a time where we still laugh and wish
For full pillowcases

When the streets hush early,
When the first tiny children step out as something other than themselves
I tie the ribbon in a foolish way ‘round my head to hide
My face and maybe tears

When the lights bob down the way,
When the laughter and joy fills the streets
I’ll ponder the delicious fragility of this travesty of the day
That celebrates the thin veil between this world and the next.

When the sun rises tomorrow,
When the stone warms to my touch and the grass is scented
I’ll take my cakes to your resting place
And share them with you.

This is a poem that is a bit of an ode to the last day of October and the first two of November. I am talking of course of Halloween, All Souls Day and The Day of the Dead (Dia de los Muertos). Over the years as I have pondered what my spiritual beliefs were there is one spiritual tradition that comforts me and makes me smile. Here is a line by line explanation of the poem.

The Day of the Dead is celebrated in Mexico on the 2nd of November. On the 1st they also celebrate this but is is specifically for children and infants that have died. I celebrate it on the 2nd mostly due to my Dad. My Dad loved Latin American culture and I am sure that if he had lived longer he would have made many more trips to his beloved Puerto Rico, Costa Rica and Mexico.

My Dad died on October 31st at around 4am. The traditional aspects of Halloween were forever changed for me after that day. I could no longer be bothered with dressing up or worrying about Halloween parties or anything like that. I was and still am heartbroken that he left us at such a young age. After a few years of faithfully going to the cemetery on the 31st. I found myself unable to get there one year. The guilt was terrible. I managed to get there on the 2nd though and on my way, I realized that is was the Day of the Dead.

I knew vaguely what the holiday and it's traditions were. Having no time to make sweet cake in the shape of death's heads, I stopped at Wawa. I picked up my Dad's favorite hoagie, Italian, a Coke and Reece's PB cups. All things he liked. I went to the cemetery, laid out my yoga mat and had lunch with my Dad at his resting place. I didn't have to talk but could sit, reflect and laugh and even cry.

Instead of going on the 31st, I go now on the 2nd to celebrate my Dad. I might still cry at times but I want the planned time I spend with my Dad to be more of happy memories both mine and his.

If you have never looked into the culture of this celebration, I highly recommend it. We all have loved ones we have lost and at times there almost seems like there is no way to cope. For some reason, this made sense to me and I cherish it as something not only I do in memory of my Dad but in memory of other loved ones that have passed on.

Writers Workshop: Stall Her!

2010-10-14T03:00:00.003-04:00

Growing up my sister and I babysat all the time. I don't want to toot my own horn but we would get booked months in advance. We were the kind of sitters that played with the kids and made sure the house was clean when the parents came home. Most kids didn't cry when their parents left and if they did, they didn't do it for long. Our business grew by word of mouth and we never had any complaints from parents or kids.

I did have complaints sometimes. There was one family who just wasn't right. The first time I babysat for them, they told their 11 year-old that I was not there for her, just the rest of the kids, basically license to be a brat. Then their home decor was early dead African animal. I am not kidding. There were mounted animal heads everywhere from Africa and pics of the Dad with his kills. (Sidebar: I don't have a problem with hunting if the hunter is choosy with his kills AND eats the animal as well. Killing for killing sake is not a sport in my opinion.) The first time I ever babysat for them they started freaking out about the baby ducks in the barn (it was a horse farm) that were bleeding and kept throwing the ducks at me. I went home, my new pink Gap collared shirt covered in duck blood (this was the 80's). (Note: the ducks were fine, the ends of their feathers were scratching them. Normal when the flying feathers are growing in...I think they knew that).

I always tried to come up with excuses as to why I could not sit for this family. Unfortunately, if the Mom got my Mom on the phone, my Mom would usually accept the engagement without asking me (oh, YES you did, Mom!).

One time, the last time, I was there babysitting during the day and we walked down to the barn. The 11 year-old went into an empty stall and said, 'Oh, no!' and pointed at the corner where she was on the ground. I along with the younger girls went to look what she was worried about. The 11 year old ran out of the stall door, slammed the door shut and locked us in, laughing, then ran away. The girls got scared and started to cry a little bit. I gave them hugs and told them it was ok and we'd figure a way out. Luckily, there was a small window not far off the ground. I turned a bucket over and was able to lower the older of the two girls out of the window and to the ground. She ran around and opened the stall door. As we were walking back up to the house and I was telling the girls how helpful they were, the Mom came in the driveway. I did not see the oldest girl but told the Mom what happened. She wasn't even that apologetic. She kind of laughed it off.

The next time she called (cannot even believe she called), I declined her offer and told my Mother I was never going back there and if she accepted a job then SHE could go and get locked in a stall.

Caption It!

2010-10-12T12:00:00.000-04:00

It seems like some of you really liked my "Caption it!" idea from last week so here's another one. This is from our vacation this summer. I think this pic tells a story. Look closely.

Have fun!

Finally Have My House Back

2010-10-11T10:49:00.000-04:00

I did not blog last week really because...well...I barely wanted to breathe. You see, our house has been in a state of disarray for about about two months now. This was a combination of piles of stuff in the living room that was for a yard sale. We were having a yard sale because we cleaned out the room we were using for storage because that room was getting finished to be used as a combo dining and 'Masterpiece Theatre' area. Then, we also had been waiting for a fridge for a long time from Best Buy and then needed to be cut and sanded down, blah, blah, blah.

For me, it was a nightmare. I have issues. I know, who doesn't? Unfortunately, my issues lead me to Crazytown when I can't get a handle on the condition of my home. I tend to spiral off into rants that make no sense and lose all focus when my house is in the condition it was a few days ago. Mostly, it is my husband who gets the brunt of it. I don't need the house spotless (although that makes me very happy) I just need it tidy. Last week there was a conspiracy against me. Between the cluttered crap, the curtains being closed ALL the time to hide the crap and the fruit flies I started to seriously lose it. I remembered the feelings of anxiety and they frightened me. The more I got scared, the worse I felt. It was a big nasty circle.

Now, the yard sale (which I will write about later) took care of the crap in the living room, the kitchen is clean and free of (almost) all fruit flies, the fridge is in and working great. I was finally able to make dinner in my kitchen without having to scrounge for counter space. I have my house back and I feel so much better.

The reason I am writing about this is because, looking back on how I felt and the way I handled it all tells me that I need to do somethings to help myself out. I am not handling my anxiety/depression well and I think it's time I went back to someone to talk about it or get something medicinal to help me focus. At times I feel like I am weak for needing this but then other times I see that at least I can recognize the warning signs rather than letting get as bad as it got several years ago. This time I am choosing to get some help and it feels better. Hopefully soon, I will get back to feeling really good...one step at a time.

Getting my house in order in this case means not only my physical house but my mental one as well.

Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This

2010-10-05T13:39:00.000-04:00

So you probably read that last week was a Craptastic one. Yesterday one of my monitors at word died too (for me it is like having an eye patch over one eye) so I think that's 3...as in the 3 things that go wrong then you are out of the woods.

Car
Phone
Monitor

Today on Facebook I said "I really would like to say something positive with all the bad luck I have had over the past week...still trying to come up with something." I really hated to say it but that is what I felt like. I had a bloggy friend from across the pond that gently reminded me that I do have a few things to be positive or thankful that I have.

house
warmth
clean water
two doggies
democracy

He of course was right and as I thought a little about those things, my fog lifted a little, enough for me to make my lunch. Then the fog lifted a little more and then I thought about writing about it and now, I am bright(er) eyed and a little more ready to crawl out from under the black cloud that has been hanging around for too many days...partially my fault, partially fate.

So today I am going to ask you, even though it might sound a little Pollyanna-ish, especially from a cynic like me, If you see someone under a dark cloud, say something nice. It doesn't have to be annoyingly cheerful, just an acknowledgment that you 'see' them and there is a light out there beyond the black cloud.

Thank you BS5. :)

Craptastic Day

2010-10-01T14:57:00.000-04:00

I really wanted to write a good post today. Instead you are getting a letter I sent to my girlfriends (edited for my blog) because I am so done with this day.

So I was in an accident today. My new 2011 (notice it is not even
2011) baby was hit by a woman coming out of a school parking lot
(after dropping off her kids thank goodness). It is not drivable.

Also, my phone keeps dying on me for no other reason than I believe
all phone have a suicide code that when they hit over 2 and a half
years they are programmed to die so you have to get a new phone. This
caused problems between me and P whose phone I had to use to deal
with insurance. He was giving his 2 weeks today and was late for that
meeting because of my accident.

Also, KoP Plaza first floor flooded in case you did not know. Our
beautiful new Lottery Yarn store now is sopping wet with water and mud.

I am picking up my rental in an an hour or so then going back to bed.

That is all

Caption It!

2010-09-29T16:46:00.000-04:00

I was at a bit of a loss today but wanted to start posting more pics. Here is one I took at P's soccer game a couple weeks ago. I welcome any captions you can come up with.

A Bit of a Rant: When Companies Make Mistakes

2010-09-27T13:42:00.000-04:00

I was so excited this weekend! I was getting a new fridge! Even better, we were getting a nicer fridge than we originally picked out because it was a floor model. It had zero scratches.dents or whatever. It just so happened the one we picked the store was not carrying anymore but here was this nice Electrolux counter-depth, stainless steel fridge just waiting for us to take it home.

Isn't she pretty? Thank you Best Buy for the pic.

I prepared all week for it's homecoming. I cleaned out the fridge and the freezer. I carefully planned our meals for the week so that there would not be a whole lot in the the fridge/freezer to switch over. I put off my usual soup cooking for my fall/winter lunches to keep the freezer as empty as possible.

At 9:50am P got a phone call.

Warehouse Worker: "Your fridge is out of stock."
P: "Um, no. It is a floor model, there is only one of them. It cannot be out of stock."
WW: "Well we don't have one here."
P: "Is it still at the store?"
WW: "I don't know. It is out of stock."
P: "No, that is impossible. Again, it was a floor model we touched and saw this week."
WW: "Well if it is still at the store maybe you can pick it up."
P: "It's a refrigerator."

Can't explain to you what would have happened if I had fielded that call. I think that is why P gives people his cell number now instead of the home phone. I can tell you that the laws of physics would have been broken and her head would have somehow ended up on my side of the phone.

So we haul ourselves to the store and luckily the woman we worked with to buy the fridge was there. She saw us coming and said, "Guys I am so sorry. I am on hold right now to find out what happened and get it fixed." She even brought her manager over and he apologized profusely. For some reason, the warehouse sent it back to the store and they have no clue why. We thanked them for working it out and left. Later we received a phone call and were told the fridge would not arrive until Thursday. This was Saturday morning.

Now, after going through something much worse but similar in the area of inept delivery with Sears and our washer/dryer a year ago, we are familiar with how things work between the company that sold you the item and the people who are in charge of getting it to your door. The people that sold the item are actually pretty decent and will do what they can to help you...

...the delivery companies basically tell you to suck it if they have made a mistake.

In my humble opinion, what SHOULD have happened, is they should have gotten our fridge on the very next truck leaving that warehouse and brought it to us at a time-frame we chose, not them. Why? Because we already arranged our schedule to meet them the first time, it is their turn. It is called CUSTOMER SERVICE. We paid you, now you deliver. Secondly, I know that Monday was an option because it was a date would could have picked when we originally chose the date.

Nope

Not possible. Why? The idiot at the warehouse could not explain why. Why? Because the less the people answering those calls for complaints know, the better for the people higher up. All they care about is that they don't have to go an extra inch, let alone a mile for a customer.

So, this is a controlled rant. Why? Over the years I have found it is much easier to find the root of the problem and concentrate on ranting on that root rather than the whole tree. The associate that helped us originally, was very good at her job and did everything right. It was the delivery company that caused the problem and then because they don't have to deal with me directly, can sit on their lazy butt and just say 'no' for no reason. The store is at their mercy as well seeing as how they only have one delivery company.

Now, when the fridge is delivered on Thursday, the store will be getting an email from me. It will sing the praises of the people in the store and tear a new one in the delivery company. I figure it should be at least worth a gift card.

Writers WorkShop: Don't You Just Want to Squeeze Him...Just Not too Hard

2010-09-23T15:15:00.000-04:00

This is M-dog.

Isn't he a cuddle-umpkins?

You better say yes or I will sick his sister G-dog on you and she will jump on you until you let her kiss you on the face.

M-dog is a big love bug who is a scardy cat. His jumping around when we encounter other dogs on walks (and teenagers in black shirts and white vans and the occasional blow up chair) is often misconstrued as aggressive dog behavior. It is hard to see him not be able to romp with other doggies besides G-dog and to constantly look out for other dogs around corners and such.

You might think this is his worst trait and while it is difficult to deal with at times, the fact that we know he is a cuddly bunch of love is fine. He does have another issue that is most difficult to deal with, on normally associates with beer guzzling, junk food eating, snoring, uncouth men...

he farts!

Yes, you say, all dogs fart. Yes they do but do they wake you in the middle of the night with their silent stench? Oh, yes...they are the silent but deadly type. You never have time to prepare. It can happen anywhere and at anytime. Is it associated with an urgent need to use the facilities (grass, bushes, etc)? No, he will let one fly foul just after he's been ...um...out. Is it when he is scared? Sure it has happened but is not narrowed down to a stressful squirt.

M-dog is exceptionally good at carpet bombing or crop dusting; walking in to a room, letting one loose and walking out. Then when you turn up your nose and pass out he is confused.

I sincerely wonder sometimes if he doesn't even know that thing came from him. He likely thinks the smell came from one of us and probably likes it less than we do because he cannot distinguish it as his 'own brand'. In his mind we are the foul humans who need a bath or Beano or something.

Still you can't help but want to love him and cuddle him and squeeze him...like I said about though...just don't squeeze too hard...you don't know what might...um...what you might unleash.

Fall Back into Place

2010-09-22T15:46:00.000-04:00

Fall to me is synonymous with comfort. It seems that all things fall into place this time of year. I am calmer, I am happier and I am able to reflect on subjects rather than attack them with my opinions.
I am not sure what it is about fall that makes me feel like I am back where I should be. It could have something to do with the fact that way back when I was in school, starting the routine was so safe and comforting. I don't think I ever saw it that way but I can trace certain feelings back to that. Things from the rumble of the bus under my saddle shoes in grade school to the dust up of falling leaves under the tires of the car as we jetted off to high school.

These days I think my fall routine has more to do with cooking than with anything else. Cooking is comforting to me because I have gotten to a point where I can follow a recipe, or not and still have a good outcome. I am comforted by the warmth and the scents and the jazz music that I usually play while I cook. A poof of flour is easily dusted up without the humidity of the summer and the oven can be on without the need to strip down to a sports bra and running shorts.

I love that I can have a taste of fall by just heating up some apple cider and sipping it as I read my favorite book. Favorite books and a cup of something hot are always a soothing combination. They allow my mind to wander within the realm of the world of the book and my eyes gently follow the words instead of devouring new material that I have a tendency to speed through.

I will sit outside tonight after a fall dinner of ribs, roasted root veggies, and salad, a half smile on my face, a cup of tea in hand as my mind wanders through Middle Earth. I will be happy, peaceful and

comforted.

How to Irritate Me

2010-09-20T11:24:00.000-04:00

P: I had a peanutbutter sandwich and the rest of the Humboldt Fog cheese for lunch.

Me: Why?

P: It's all we had.

Me: Um, what about the rest of the London Broil in the fridge? We had bread and cheddar cheese and lettuce...There was grilled chicken in the freezer and salad in the fridge...

P: I had the London Broil yesterday.

Me: I am sorry your highness, that I did not have another selection ready for your table today. Perhaps you should send me the way of Anne Boleyn and a couple other of your wives.

P: Depends on what is for dinner.

Inspiration in a Whisk - Back 2 Blogging Day 4

2010-09-16T16:13:00.000-04:00

I now have that song by Chicago "Your the meaning in my life. You're the inspiration." in my head and it will not go away. I blame 80's sticky, sweet sap music if this post doesn't cut the mustard.

These days, inspiration can be hard to find. The media and the internet age seems to expose every flaw in those we hold up on pedestals. While knowing the truth is a good thing and also knowing no one is perfect is as well, sometimes, it mars the image we had of the person we held to such high esteem. In my case though, there is an exception.

Me and Julia, we love our knives - courtesy of seattletimes.nwsource.com

Julia Child

Why is she an exception? Julia never thought she was perfect nor did she ever hide her imperfections.
I remember seeing her on Public Television when I was little. I watched her chop things and giggled at her funny voice. She said words like terrine and Bon Appetite. I thought she was from Europe.

Now I know better thanks to "My Life in France" and "Appetite for Life: The Biography of Julia Child". Julia was an amazing American woman. It was not just her cooking that made her amazing, she had a wonderfully full and rich life that she achieved on her own. She was a risk taker and had a passion for life that I so wish I had.

Before Julia even knew how to cook anything, she worked in the Office of Secret Services (predecessor to the CIA) during WWII. She signed on as a typist but because of her education, she soon became a top secret researcher. How cool is that?! She received a medal for her work and was greatly respected by her peers and superiors. She was an organizational machine, cataloging all the officers working for the OSS and keeping track of where they were and what skill sets they had. This was BEFORE EXCEL!

She married Paul Child whom she met while in the OSS in what is now Sri Lanka. He signed up for the US Foreign Service so it was off to Paris where Julia discovered her true calling - food.

This was a Valentine's Day card she and Paul sent out one year. They didn't do Christmas cards but made their own Valentine's cards every year. She cooks AND she is crafty. Totally rocks!

Now most of us know the story. She went to Le Cordon Bleu, and became a famous chef. End of story. Not quite.

What you might not know is Julia was the only woman at that time that attended Le Cordon Bleu in the professional section and she spoke next to no French when she began and oh yes, all the classes were in French.

WHA! Seriously!? YES! She learned French from people and classes while she was there. I can barely read the Metro signs in France (which any child can follow, and do) and she was listening to cooking classes and reading French books not knowing French. Crazy and awesome.

Also, she started a small cooking school with friends in France and called it L'Ecole des Trois Gourmandes. These are the women with whom she wrote a little book called "Mastering the Art of French Cooking" or as I (and many others) refer to it, the bible. Actually, they had a hard time selling that book. Some silly company named Houghton Mifflin passed it over, citing that it was too much like an encyclopedia.

Um, yeah...encyclopedia of GREATNESS.

It took time but they found another publisher. Julia didn't give up. When it was published, it became a best seller. Put that in your omelette pan and flip it Houghton Mifflin!

We all know from Public Television or (Saturday Night Live, which she thought was hilarious) that she was on TV as well. She flung fish and chopped chickens and served up French dishes in a way that made people say, "I can do that." The more people that tried it, actually liked it and a new cooking movement was born, or reborn depending on your opinion.

Julia was a force of nature, in the best possible way. She was strong, passionate, smart and lived life to it's fullest and still was the gal you want to hang out in the kitchen with a glass (or many glasses) of wine. I think she is one of the most amazing women to ever walk the face of the earth. She inspires me to at least try to take risks and ENJOY LIFE! I am working on them both but I have a good person to learn from.

My Dog Cooks! - Post Title I am Particularly Proud Of - Back to Blogging Day 3

2010-09-15T13:38:00.000-04:00

I am participating in the SITS gals Back 2 Blogging event. Today on Day 3 we were to choose a favorite past post based on a title we liked. That was really hard for me seeing as I think maybe my titles need work AND I could not separate the content from the title while I was choosing. I tried very, very hard. I chose this post because you probably could not help but click on it if it showed up in your list of updated posts. I mean seriously, who doesn't love a dog who (tries to) cook? Also, my doggies are my kids so this is as close to a Mom post as I get. ;)

I chose a post circa 2008:

The Dog Tried to Make Brownies

This is how my weekend without internet started.
I walk in the door to let G-dog out at around noon Friday and notice a bottle of vegetable oil on the rug in the living room oil spots on the sisal rug and the cap next to the bottle AND a bitten but not eaten box of brownie mix on the floor under the dining table.

Me: (calling out) G-dog!, (waiting) G-dog!

G-dog: (Comes out of bedroom, sleepily blinking eyes and wagging tail) Dude, I was sleeping. What's up.

Me: What did you do?!

G-dog: Well I ate the treats you left for me. The one you hid under the pillow was hard to find. Relaxed a bit, got bored with moose, rabbit, squirrel, et al and went into the kitchen to find something to do. I went in to the room I'm not supposed to and decided to make brownies.

Me: Brownies.

G-dog: Yeah. So I got the brownie mix out and then realized I needed vegetable oil so I went and got that. Then I realized the oil was in a plastic bottle and you know how much I like plastic bottles.

Me: Uh-huh

G-dog: So it started innocently enough, I was working on getting the cap off then I bit the bottle and it felt so good I continued. Then I tasted the oil and decided, ick! So I dropped it on the floor and nosed it around a few times, trying to get the oil out and eventually I went back to the brownie box and realized that I needed eggs AND water too. Well I had water in my bowl but the eggs are in the fridge and I couldn't reach them so I abandoned the whole brownie idea and went back to the bedroom and took a nap.

Me: So you do realize that you can't have brownies. They are chocolate and not good for you.

G-dog: Really!? Huh. Well I guess it's a good thing I didn't make them then.

Gift to Myself for My Birthday

2010-09-14T15:50:00.000-04:00

It seems 38 is not such a bad place to be. I have been gifted with good skin from my Mom and Grandmother so I don't look quite like a cougar yet. I have friends all over the world and all over the interwebs. I really don't need much. So what to you get for the girl who has everything?

Since I am ME I would probably know. This morning, I gave myself a dose of good health.

"GA!" You say, "That is boring! How about a new pair of shoes or a cute purse? What did you do? Drink one of those crazy Green Monsters or your Overnight Oats?"

Nope...what I did this morning was push myself.

"No!!!" you say, "Why on earth would you want to do that on your birthday? You could have slept in, cuddled with the doggies and then been late to work because you ~~stopped at Starbucks~~ overslept."

What happened was the voices inside my head told me, to take it easy this morning because it was my birthday. I could have rolled over and slapped the alarm a couple more times but...the fact that I was another year older made me get up and out the door. I was tired, I really was. Last night Halo Reach came out at midnight and of course P had to go get it and play it which woke me up and/or kept me from sleeping well. So after I walked the doggies, I set out to run. As much as Annie Lennox told me 'One more time for the womenkind' and Cowboy Troy enticed me to 'play chicken with the train,' the voices kept telling me, "It's your birthday, you can stop at 3 miles. It's like a gift to yourself." I knew better. I knew the best gift I could give myself was to push on to my 4.5 miles on my 38th birthday. Even when the voice told me it was ok to stop and walk (which it usually is) for a bit, I felt a deeper need to power through, to prove to myself that even though I was 38 years old and I had too much pizza the night before, I could do this. I could round the bend a the top of the hill and keep going. I could run past the STOP sign that was usually the end of the run for me. I COULD GO ALL THE WAY!

And I did.

Happy birthday to me!

Bloggy Bootcamp Philadelphia ReCap - (Extended Version)

2010-09-13T15:42:00.001-04:00

For a shorter re-cap from me, click here

My head is still spinning from Bloggy Boot Camp in Philadelphia this past weekend. If you read my post on Friday, you'd know I was a little nervous and unbelievably excited at the prospect of meeting all the wonderful ladies that I had 'met' online over the past couple years and meeting new SITS girls that I didn't know before that were newbies and vets.

Now knowing Tiffany (in all her pretty glory and melodious voice) I knew this was going to be a special event but I was blown away by everything that was packed into an 8 hour conference.

Scary Mommy aka Jill Smokler showed us how to grow our blog in "an organic and authentic way" by following some basic social media etiquette. You must visit her. She is an amazing person and blogger. I also commend her for not killing her husband when he brought a puppy home while she was away. We have dogs but I would kill my husband if he did that to me and then I'd let the new dog take over his half of the bed.

Nap Warden aka Cynthia Wheeler rocked an awesome video about blogging and why your design is important. I loved seeing her show us why a 250 pixel heading is a good way to BUT...that rule is made to be broken at the right time and blog. She is a super talented illustrated and designer and in love with all things Adobe. Someday Cynthia, they will be begging you to represent them. I know this.

Better in Bulk aka Laura Franklin's presentation could not have come at a better time for me. She wore her beauteous DSLR camera proudly around her neck (I hope she got a massage later) while she showed us how to get the best out of our cameras. You know how we bloggers LURVE our pictures! Her top 10 Tips are now inside the camera bag of my NEW NIKON D3000! I might have to laminate it. ;)

Uppercase Woman aka Cecily Kellog in her very quiet and unassuming way (giggle, giggle, giggle) explained how we can find our voice when it comes to our blog. Ok, that is all wrong. Cecily showed us how to ROCK our inner voice through our blogs. Her 'be yourself' no nonsense attitude made me want to run out and attack all those opinions I have that I have not shared on my blog out of shear fear I might offend A reader. Ok, then I calmed down and realized she was showing us how to be ourselves and still connect with our readers. Cecily just rocks and I really hope I can put my voice out there like she does.

During our PR 101 section Just Precious aka Julie Meyers Pron, The Centsible Life aka Kelly Whalen and Philly Burb Moma aka Shannon Ott made the somewhat confusing and overlapping worlds of PR, Advertising and Marketing understandable. Their instructions on adding a "Blog Package" vs. a "Media Kit" to your blog were invaluable. Having people from the industry teach you about the industry was unbelievably helpful. They are also local gals so I was mucho proud to have them speaking. While the PR virgins were getting their info on, the vets were in another room gabbin' it up about what they were up to with the next steps to their blogs. You'll have to check in with some other attendees for that info.

Feels Like Home aka Tara Ziegmont blew us all away with her roadmap to Search Engine Optimization (SEO). The brain on that chick is amazing. She explained how shearch engines work and how to use them to get people to find your blog. What happens when you type your blog name into a search? want it to be up top? SEO is the way to go.Oh, I am also breaking her rule at this moment with a long post.

Open Sky's go to guy for social media, Ted Rubin, showed us not only the intriguing world of Open Sky and having your own easy as pie shop on you blog but showed us how relationships matter. He uses the phrase ROR or Return on Relationships a good deal and he knows what he is talking about. It is all about the networking whether you are blogging, running a business in a brick and mortar store or doing your business online. He also likes scotch. My kind of guy.

It all ended with drinks, feather masks, a little bit of JC Mellancamp dancing at the cocktail party sponsored by VirtuaWoman. I wish I could have partied all night with these ladies. I was having such a good time. Alas, this chickie was local and took the Lansdale/Doylestown home at the last possible minute. Please read my shortened version of the conference here and my do's and don'ts and general suggestions if you are Campin' at another event.

Bloggy Boot Camp - My Brain is Full (Short Version)

2010-09-13T15:41:00.001-04:00

If you'd like to see my full re-cap go here. I highly encourage you to visit because I have included each speaker what they spoke about and links to their blogs. They are amazingly talented women and they probably have posted info about their presentations on their blogs. If you can't get to a Bloggy Boot Camp, stalk these ladies. I cannot say enough good things about them.

Ahem, to begin Tiffany is pretty...even without Photoshop actions to make her look rested and her voice is that of a thousand butterfly wings over lavender, beating not in unison but in a melodious tempo to sweeten the air and soothe the mind. :)

Ok, here's the lowdown on Bloggy Boot Camp. My brain is full. That is all.

Just kidding! I still remembered to shower and keep up basic hygiene on Sunday and Monday. I did wear my bra on my head but my husband caught me before I went out the door.

But I digress, you don't want to hear about my awesome fall style, you want to hear about Bloggy Boot Camp in Philly.

Here is what I LOVED about Bloggy Boot Camp:

Everyone was Tweeting about it in the days leading up to it. Tiffany sent out a Twitter list and we all tweeted excitedly. BTW - if you are not doing Twitter and you want to meet other bloggers, run, don't walk and get yourself a Twitter account.
A meet up the night before was a great way to get to know people early.
I got to FINALLY meet Kathy, Tiffany and Jill aka Mama Kat, SITS girl extraordinaire and queen of the R Family Diaries and Scary Mommy. It was like a backstage meet and greet with your favorite bands. if you go to a Bloggy Boot Camp, the bloggers you love WILL be there and they will be so happy YOU are be there!
I was able to use all my social media tools (Facebook, Twitter, Blogger, etc) while the conference was going on. This was great because people got to document some of the wonderful things that were said, right then and there for those that could not make it.
I got something from each and every speaker. There was not one I wanted to leave for a bit for or get a cup of coffee because it didn't apply to me. Everything applied to me or to my blog or will in the near future.
Every person there, was glad I was there and I felt the same way about everyone else. It was a love fest and I was happy to be a part of it. Whether you have thousands of followers, or not any, everyone was there because they love to blog and want to support those who do. There was no toxic talk, no comparison of money made, in fact it was barely spoken about. Why? Because that is not the measure of a good blog and everyone there agreed with that.

What I did not love about Bloggy Boot Camp:

I did not stay in the hotel with the other bloggers. :( I was very local so I thought it would be fine to take the train in to Philly for this. Boo! Never again will I make that mistake for any conference. I didn't have a place to go between the conference and the party. Luckily because Nap Warden aka Cynthia and Every Day Childhood aka Kelley, they let me hang with them and eat pizza. :) I missed the late night stuff and the additional bonding. I really hated to leave when I had to.
I did not take enough pictures. I vow to bring a camera EVERYWHERE now. Whether it is my new 'big' camera or the point and shoot, look out because I am going to git ya!

My advice for future campers

If you have a laptop, bring it, if you can bring a power strip bring it. You can probably make money off letting people rent space on your power strip during the day. Kidding! Just bring one if you can. I promise people will be grateful.
Stay overnight if you can on the day of the conference. See above.
Tell Tiffany she is pretty. She is so it's not hard but she really likes to hear it.
If you don't have time to buy business cards, print some up on your computer. You'll do a lot of talking but having a card is a great way to follow up with people if you only got a second to chat.

In closing, have a to-do list a mile long but if I never went to Bloggy Boot Camp, I wouldn't have a list of cool ways to improve my blog. I'd be stumbling around in the dark. Thanks to BBC, I am in the light...and I have cool sunglasses for it too. :)

Social Media Overload or Why I Need Bloggy Boot Camp

2010-09-10T03:00:00.009-04:00

It started out simple enough a few years ago. Start a blog and and write. I like to write always have.

Then it happened ...comments. People read what I wrote and liked it! They even took time to tell me they liked it. Then I started reading other people's blogs then they read mine...followers! I blogged daily, sometimes more than that. I came up with "My Island" and people loved it! I met up with a blogger in Massachusetts, As Cape Cod Turns, while I was on vacation and we hung out. It was awesome!

Then I was a featured blogger on SITS. OMG! The comment love was so addicting! I met more bloggers and followed more blogs until...

B U R N O U T

I didn't blog for a long time. I thought about it often and I admit...I lurked. I felt guilty for not nurturing my blog. I missed writing. I watched too much tv.

So I started again, a little at a time to get back into the swing of things. It made me happy so I decided to put more effort into my blog. I bought a domain name but wasn't sure how to migrate it also, it seemed the game had changed. Between Facebook, Twitter, something called BlogFrog...what the heck is that? Keeping up with all those Tweets should be a full time job oh and was I writer on my Facebook fan page or a business? If I was going to participate in Health Living Blogging could I only write about healthy stuff? Am I persona non grata at BlogHer now that they pulled their ads from my tiny blog? What about stats and how much should I care about them...and how do I get to do reviews and giveaways?

I must be doing something wrong. :( I started to get lost again and then...

Da da da da!

I saw it, help from the gals at SITS!

And it was coming to Philadelphia.

It was like a bunch of things all fell into place the week I discovered I could go. Finally someone, actually a lot of talented someones, would all be gathered together to help each other make the most of what they love doing, writing, blogging, networking and I could get some help!

I am so excited to share a freezing hotel conference room on Saturday (and Friday night at dinner) with a ton of other funny and talented writers I can barely contain myself! It is going to be a crazy weekend for me but it will all be worth it I know. I will gain knowledge, insight and most of all...

a new bunch of friends who blog. Can't wait to hang with you all!

Writers WorkShop: The Best Movie I Ever Memorized

2010-09-09T03:00:00.001-04:00

This week's choice was a no brainer for me. I have this odd gift for remembering just about everything about any movie I have seen. I even remember things about movies that I don't want to remember like 'From Dusk Till Dawn'...ick is all I have to say about that. I pretty much kick ass when it comes to movie trivia, as long as I have seen the movie at least once.

One of my favorite movies of all time is Clue. This movie, to me, is hilarious. It has slapstick comedy, bad accents, Nurse Kelly from MASH and best of all...Tim Curry. The rest of the cast are amazing comedians as well and I just wish they had worked together more. The dialouge is quick and witty and smart. It reminds me a little of how Gilmore Girls was written, not the comedy but some of the rapid fire dialouge.

I am not joking when I say that I had this movie memorized when I was younger. In fact, if I was watching it today, at this very moment, I would be able to recite it word for word. Why? I wore out the VHS tapes of the flipping movie. It was more of an obsession for me and I can't explain exactly why. It is similar to one of the books you can read again and again. They give you a sense of comfort and home. I think this type of comedy gave me that. I have it on DVD now and on cold nights I will sit and watch and laugh and laugh like I am watching it for the first time. Maybe it's the laughter that gets me. There are few things that I can watch that make me laugh every single time I see it...there is one other one but that is another post.

Basically think of the board game Clue. All the characters are represented with a few additions. They are all being blackmailed in McCarthy era style and someone dies, then someone else dies, etc. They then have to figure out who the murderer is. It could be any of them and they all have a weapon, a la the board game. The simpleness of the plot makes the comedy easy and the twist 'endings'... and yes there are three different ones that were played in different theaters across the US... smart and well calculated.

Below you will find 'Clue in 52 Seconds'. It is a very well edited snapshot of the movie that a guy did for a class and put on YouTube. In total it is 1:24 but well worth it. Better than the trailer. If you have never seen the movie give it a go, I think for many people it might have that Anchorman quality - meaning you have to see it more than once to really start laughing. For me, it was love at first Tim Curry.

The Quran Buring or Don't Give Matches to Idiots

2010-09-08T08:19:00.000-04:00

I am filled with hate. Wait...that can't be right. I don't want to hate. Hate is what is causing the problem in the first place.

Maybe it's not hate but an loathing of ideals.

No, it's hate.

What I'd like to do is go to each and every person that sent Terry Jones in Gainsville, Florida a copy of the Quran to burn and ask them what is the most precious book they have in their possession. No undoubtedly, many will say their bible but some others might mention a photo album or a scrapbook of memories. Maybe it was a book their read to their child or was read to them as a child. Books that have no replacement value but are priceless because of the meanings they hold. They treasure the meaning. I'd like to hold it.

Then I'd like burn it in front of their very eyes.

They would hate me for it. They would hate my action, they would hate me. They might even try to kill me for doing it out of sheer rage.

Do you think then, Jones supporters would understand what the burning of a book the Muslims consider more than holy actually means? If their actions in killing me for burning something precious of theirs are justified in their eyes, why would they expect something different from another human being just because they are Muslim?

Do they really think that the burning of the Quran is going to stop Muslims from being Muslims? Do they really think an entire religion is going to shut down and say, "Oh my we are scared of this preacher man Terry Jones. We should give up our religion and become Christians because that is obviously the only RIGHT religion."

Nope.

What it will do is make targets out of US Citizens around the world. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. After someone is killed overseas, in the name of Allah, do you think Terry Jones will worry that the blood of that individual is on his hands?

No, I am sure that he will go the way of Pontius Pilate and wash his hands of the action.

Happy 'New' New Year!

2010-09-07T10:16:00.000-04:00

No, I haven't cracked quite yet.

I don't like 'celebrating' in the freezing cold where the longest day of darkness just passed eleven days prior. I don't like celebrating by waking up the next day, wondering what I promised myself the night before.

What I DO like is running at 7am when the sun is not high enough to be too hot. I like passing the smiling faces of kids on their first day of school...and the bigger smiles of their parents. I love the smell of the fall fresh cut grass and watching the geese start to fly V-formation. I love that my CSA delivery is going to have kale and acorn squash in it today, a sure sign of fall.

I decided this morning from now on, the Tuesday after Labor Day is MY New Years Day. It's a day of celebrating the wonderful summer, the gorgeous fall weather to come and the coziness that winter will bring.

This is probably the best idea I have had in a long time. I will be celebrating by making a fire in the outdoor fireplace this evening and enjoying a cool dinner outside, maybe even some cider. :)

Want to celebrate too? What will you do to celebrate this version of New Years?

The Run that Makes You Look Forward to the Next

2010-08-31T11:39:00.000-04:00

I have been sick the past two days so this is a post I wrote on Friday about an awesome run. It helped me remember that my fall runs are very, very close.

I was looking forward to this run all week! The temp was supposed to go down to around 50 overnight and I knew the temp was going to be in the low sixties and low humidity in the AM. I didn't mind getting up early and walking the dogs first. They were ready to go too. I think they realized how gorgeous it was outside too. They were frisky and and happy as they bounded through their usual paces.

I also knew today I was going to be able to get in my 4+ miles even though I had not done it in a couple months. I could just feel it in the air. My iPod started me off with "Womankind" by Annie Lennox from The Women soundtrack and really got me moving. The beat is great and very uplifting. I just added it to the mix a couple days ago and it is definitely a winner. I also like the next song from that same soundtrack called "I Feel It All" by Feist. It has a great beat but is a little bid subdued so it kept me from bursting out of the gate.

As I ran I noticed that the leaves are starting to fall from the trees and it made me smile becuase I know I will have more beautiful runs like this one coming up. Eventually I cam to my some what comedic song on my mix, "I Play Chicken with the Train" by Cowboy Troy. Don't judge me. It's a combo of country and hip hop and it works and makes me smile every time I hear it. It also makes me want to dance in the middle of the run. Someday I might just do that.

Moving on, at about 20 minutes I got that feeling, you know that feeling that you get when you have hit your stride, your breathing works and you feel like you could run forever. Made me wish I'd gotten up even earlier so I'd have a little more time to do just that.

It seemed like every song in my mix hit at just the right time to either pump me up or remind me to keep my pace even. Songs like "The Good Stuff" by Sid Maudlin and "Send Your Love" by Sting, remixed version and finally the best one, right at the end, "Straight Ahead" by Tube and Berger. "Straight Ahead" hit as I was on a straight away towards my endpoint. I did 4.3 miles in 38:30. :) I am now in a fantastic mood and can't wait for all of my fall runs!

Entire Playlist
Womankind, Annie Lennox
I Feel it All, Feist
I Play Chicken with the Train, Cowboy Troy
Hong Kong Garden, Siouxie and The Banshees
Aphrodisiac, Bow Wow Wow
Show Me the Money, Petey Pablo
Head Like a Hole, Nine Inch Nails
The Good Stuff, Sid Maudlin
Merengue, Robert Abigail (featuring DJ Rebel)
Send Your Love, Sting (remix Dave Aude)
Belleville Rendez-Vous (French Version), Beniot Charest
Straight Ahead, Tube and Berger

My Island: Rick Gets a Buddy

2010-08-27T03:00:00.001-04:00

If you are new to my blog you can read about "My Island" by clicking the "My Island" label at the bottom of the post. Short version: I send people there that I believe have no business being in the gene pool or really with most of the population.

Here's a list of who is there and links to their posts:
Brittany Spears, Amy Winehouse, Lindsay Lohan, Rick Santorum (this was the first post so there were a few people sent right off the bat)
Ann Coulter
Elizabeth Hasselbeck
Ocotmom, Nadya Suleman

This was a hard decision, not because I don't think this person belongs there but becuase I have a list in my head of others who belong there as well. Also it was difficult because although I was familiar with this person, I did not have the in depth knowledge I feel I need to have to send someone there. As I have said before, I do not send people willy-nilly. I am not going to just toss the likes of Snooki there just because she is a moron. She's relatively harmless really and provides some people with a good deal of comic relief.

The person I chose in many ways frightens me. His name is Glenn Beck.

Thank you Wikipedia and Photo by David Shankbone for this seemingly cute photo of a jackass

Just looking at this photo steams my hair into frizzy ringlets. It was hard to do the research on this 'man' becuase everything I read made me angry. This man twists and bends history for his own benefit and dare I say amusement. He twists charitable religious organizations into Communist and Nazi organizations. At one point saying, "Christians [should] leave their churches if they hear preaching about social justice because they were code words for Communism and Nazism."

Um, k.

He later elaborated that he meant that if confronted with a Black liberation theology church, such as that of Rev. Jeremiah Wright, one should find another parish.

Do those things sound the same to you at all?

His conspiracy theories are the product of his ADHD and really it's all about the attention. He thrives on it through all of his media outlets. It's how he makes his money and the only lucky thing for him is, he is just delusional enough to believe his own rhetoric. Even some conservatives back away (slowly, no sudden moves) from this nut.

He frightens me becuase he is on TV and people that are too lazy to go back and actually learn about history are listening to him. Here's an example from a CNN Opinion article, click the link for the whole article.

"Waiting for Beck's "American Revival" show in Orlando, Florida, in March, 70-year-old fan Joseph Cerniglia told me he was way too busy for civics lessons when he was raising kids and working as a stockbroker and then cider-maker. "I have learned more from Glenn Beck -- learned more about American history and government, from Glenn Beck -- than in the previous 40 years of my life," the retiree told me."

Now you may get mad at me for calling this guy lazy but he his. He is learning his history, not from actual research, he is using the abridged/edited for content Conservative Cliffs Notes version!

You know what happened when you took a test or wrote a paper based on the Cliffs Notes edition, right?

I could go on and on about how instead of being intelligent, he attacks on a personal level such as making fun of the President's 11 year old daughter (I don't care if he apologized, it was for attention and he got it), or the fact that he throws in with Sarah Palin (that just makes me throw up in my mouth a little, can you imagine what their kids would be like, ick) and how he thinks that reclaiming the civil rights movement is the right thing to do because "-- because we were the people who did it in the first place." --.

O
M
G
!

I honestly think this man says it quite well when talking about Glenn Beck. Seriously hilarious and also dead on the mark.

At the end of the video linked above, it is suggested that Glenn find a place to hide and we'll tell him when it is safe to come out.

Since we cannot trust Glenn to do that, I think he needs to be taken, kicking and screaming to "My Island." I think he'll like it actually. We'll tell him that the government sent him there and all his brilliant conspiracy theories can play out in his head. He can share them with Rick Santorum and Ann Coulter. He can draw his chalkboard diagrams in the sand and have a grand old time. He can teach his version of history to the likes of Brit Brit and LiLo, maybe Amy will audit that class. I think Elizabeth and Octomom might like him a little too much. We'll have to watch that one.

Stay tuned for the next arrival. I believe they will be dropped off in a few weeks. Like I said, I have a list of people that belong there.

The Sticks Are Not as Dull as You'd Think or Who the Heck ARE the People in Your Neighborhood

2010-08-26T05:00:00.001-04:00

Boondocks
BFE
East Jabipp
Cow Town
Sticks

Growing up, this is what my neighborhood was called. I honestly don't remember complaining about it. We had woods to play in, complete with creek and lots of trees to climb and swing from. Our street had four horse farms and every home had at least two acres of land. No lines painted on the street and no sidewalks. It's hard to call that a neighborhood. We did have a neighborhood of sorts behind our house, across the creek. It was always quiet and we never had anything really happen.

We had a couple of friends from softball that lived in that neighborhood but they really were not close enough to walk or ride bikes, especially in the evening until we got a little bit older. One day, when we were on our way home from school, our friend from the neighborhood decided to ride her bike to our house to meet us. As we got off the bus in front of the house, a naked man jumped out of the brush about 100 feet away from our driveway.

NAKED MAN IN THE STREET!

Yes, a naked man was in the street and motioning for us to go away essentially. My Mom sent us in the house and then realized that our friend was on her way, she couldn't go in the house with a little girl on a bike on her way. My Mom saw our friend turn the corner and start riding her bike. The man ran back into the brush by the side of the road. Our friend rode right by...head turning as she passed where the man went in the brush.

When she got to the house, my Mom said, "Did you see the man next to the road?" Our friend said, "Yep!" with a big grin on her face. My Mom then called the police and then called the girl's mother. The police showed up and found the man in the bushes. The police hadn't given him anything to put on but asked my Mom to identify him. My Mom felt bad for him so she went inside and got some of my Dad's underwear for him.

We never got the full story of what his deal was. I assume he was high or crazy or both. Every neighborhood has their stories, even the non-neighborhood ones. It just goes to show you that it's those quiet places you have to keep an eye on or actually...covered.

My Life is About to Become Somewhere Close to Hades

2010-08-25T14:37:00.000-04:00

Renovations.

Demo.

Moving stuff from one room to another.

These are words and phrases I cannot stand. We are going to be doing some renovations on our 'big room'. This room is called the big room because that is all it is, a big, effin' room. It is about 40x14 feet. When we bought the house we knew that it was used as a rec room. We were not going to use it for that purpose however because there was another larger room that was perfect for a large tv and a comfy couch. Now, keep in mind this is a 1950's Cape Cod style home. Large rooms a a little odd and are usually additions on a house. The reason the prior and first owners of the house did this was because they had 7 kids...in 3 bedrooms.

I am going to let that sink in for a moment.

So, we have this big room that was really poorly built; freezing in the winter and sweltering in the summer. Probably poor insulation in the outside walls and ceiling. Since we did not have a basement, it became the basement while we figured out what the heck to do with it. Now, it is packed with useless crap.

We have been tossing around the idea of tearing down the walls and insulating this room so we will be a step closer to our grander designs (including stone floor, 'Masterpiece Theatre nook and dining furniture) and so we can have nice big family dinners at a nice big table. We have started organizing the room and moving various items to more permanent homes in the house. We have made not so much dents in the clutter but maybe pinholes or thoughts of dents. Today I was given the news that we have a week to clean the space out entirely. The demo will commence in a week and a half.

WHAT!

Yes, it appears that our local contractor (neighbor) will be getting a full time job soon so he has to get this done ASAP. Um...yeah...remember how long it took to get the closets done?

No, you would not remember that because I was not blogging at the time due to the fact I had ripped all my fingernails out from stress and my typing abilities were nil.

Ok, not really but is was bad.

It is going to be unpretty...I am telling you.

Planning is Key...or...Why I Was Late to Work Today

2010-08-24T13:55:00.000-04:00

Although I just started regularly writing about healthy living, I am not a stranger to the brown bag (or lovely Built lunch bag or large Whole Foods lunch bag). I know how much to cook if I intend on having leftovers the next day and I have go to lunches just in case I happened to not have leftovers because I went to the local bar and had a REALLY good seared crab cake (and maybe a Victory Festbier) for dinner with the husband.

However, I cannot stress the importance of planning when it comes to healthy living.

This morning, unplanned, I let the dogs sleep in a little...no really...M-dog has been difficult to get out of bed at 6am lately so instead of trying to lug all 86 pounds of him off the bed I decided maybe he needed an extra 30 minutes.

Issue, I did not plan for this last night so my morning was a little more haphazard than usual. Essentially, I ended up 30 minutes behind schedule. I was able to get 30 minutes in on the elliptical after the walk but I planned to make then drink a Green Monster this morning. My first EVER! Since I was running behind I did not have time to wash the special cup I use to make my smoothies. It is special because I use an immersion blender and none of my other cups allow the head of the blender to fit all the way to the bottom. Of course since I thought I was having a smoothie this morning, I did not have any overnight oats either. Instead I had to settle for cereal and nectarines. Then, since I had no leftovers, I needed to come up with lunch. I went with my go to salad; grilled chicken (I keep grilled chicken in the freezer at all times. I usually get a family size from Whole Foods and grill the whole thing for dinner and the freezer), toasted almonds and dried unsweetened cranberries with vinaigrette. I also brought a tomato to cut into wedges (I don't like them on my salad). I threw a couple of snacks in the bag and lunch and breakfast were ready for me.

Now, while this sounds easy, I did this all wrapped in a towel with another on my head (ok...maybe I was running around with a towel only my head but the curtains were closed and I was having one of those moments where you are still sweating from your workout when you are done your shower). Yes, I still had finish getting ready.

If I had planned everything the night before (30 minute sleep in, washed out smoothie cup, etc), I would have had a leisurely morning with the doggies, added an On Demand ab and back workout video and been able to have breakfast at home instead of at my desk at the office...way too late in the morning after waking up at 6am.

Instead I am wearing my lazy curly hair do, a skirt that I am not crazy about wearing to work and a nagging feeling that I should have done about 15 minutes on the elliptical. It's all good though. I still did pretty well on the fly and tomorrow is another day.

Also, since I am running in the morning...M-dog will have to get up instead of hitting the snooze bar. ;)

Why I Resent Bob Marley

2010-08-23T05:00:00.000-04:00

You are thinking, "How can anyone resent Bob Marley?! He is the most laid back dude that ever lit a joint."

I know it is strange but I have had a building resentment for the man over the past few years. It started when we got back from here:

Anguilla


Pronounced *ang-GWIL-ə* NOT *an gee a*...it is a British West Indies island, not a Latin one

Have you ever been here? It is an amazing place. Anguilla is next to St. Maarten and is a British West Indies Island. One thing that is absolutely wonderful about it is that it is surrounded by a coral reef through which cruise ships cannot pass. This makes it so you have all the benefits of the island and its tourist (not touristy) industry but no mobs of people inundating the island off a ship every day.

Sidebar: I have nothing against cruise ships per se but if you go to a town that has ships come in and compare it to one that doesn't, you are going to find the one that doesn't is quieter, more relaxed and less expensive.

My family spent a week here after my Mom had been going a few times a year (she still does). She has fallen in love with the place and it is easy to see why. There are miles upon miles, even for a tiny island, of the most perfectly white sand beaches you have ever seen. There are beach shacks for simple and very good island food and beach bars right there so you don't have to go far for a rum punch or A Carib. The breeze carries the message of relaxation and the food and drinks help it along.

It is as if you are in the place you are supposed to be in order to listen to Bob Marley correctly.

Yes. I know. It is traditionally associated with Jamaica but since I have yet to go to Jamaica, this feels right to me. I listened to other music while I was there of course but nothing seemed to go right to my heart like Bob when I was in that place. I could close my eyes, laying on the beach and feel like I was floating on a wave of relaxation; no cares, no worries. It is something that if difficult to attain anywhere else and explain. All I can say is, when you have it, you don't want it to end.

Back in the US, I thought that if I listened to the music, I would be able to transport myself back to that place and state of mind...

no such luck.

I felt like there were pieces missing that made it so hearing the music made me long to be there, it didn't just let me be there in my mind. It made me a little sad. The more I tried to listen, the worse it sounded.

Now, I listen to a radio station that will play Marley occasionally, especially during the lunch hour. On those workdays at lunch where I have to rush home to let the doggies out and then try to eat something at the speed of light and rush back to the office, you'd think a block of Bob would make me feel better...

NO!

Half of me has an overwhelming urge to change the radio station (or put my fist through it depending on the day I am having) because I can't be there, go there anytime soon or at least bask in the memories. The other half wants to desperately to get that feeling back that I can't change the station, chasing the dragon if you will. It's an exhausting battle of wills going on in my brain. I end up tired from it...but I still have to go back to work. Grrrrr.

And that is why it is possible to resent Mr. Bob Marley.

I don't want to resent him, really I don't. In order to resolve this problem I think what I need to do is hop on a plane, go to Anguilla (with my laptop) and get me a fix of Bob, rum punch and white sand. I think if I do enough research there, I can find a way to make the music right again for myself. If it requires many trips back and forth to test theories, so be it. You gotta do what you gotta do. Maybe then, 'every little thing's gonna be alright'. I can only give it my best shot.

The Opposite of Healthy Living

2010-08-21T09:00:00.000-04:00

I have learned so much by reading blogs because people are actually talking about their experiences, not talking about them in theory. With what I have learned so far, you'd think I would avoid some of the sillier mistakes that people can make when they are striving to live healthy lifestyles.

I under ate yestdarday. I literally NEVER do this. I love food to a fault so I rarely ignore it. I got up and walked the dogs, did a 3 mile run, only had enough time left over to stretching and a little ab work. I got ready for work, packed my lunch (tuna sammy with lettuce, fresh tomato and wheat bread) and snacks. I then made myself a smoothie (nectarine, blueberries, almond milk and Stonyfield fat free vanilla yogurt and a scoop of green powder). I drank my smoothie and my coffee on the way to work. Not a bad start.

Things go downhill from there.

At lunch, my boss asked me to run some paperwork to the bank. No problem. I had an errand to run too so I decided to do that and run back to the office for my sammy. I hit the bank and then ran to pick up some more facial moisturizer. There was a sign that side tracked me...SHOE SALE.

Um...yeah...buy one get one half off...

That is what the problem was, if there had been a regular sale, no problem. I would have found a pair and got out. BUT, this sale required careful consideration. I needed to find two pairs of shoes at about the same price to get the most out of it. I guess I lost track of time because when I left, I was STARVING and my meal was still 15 minutes away.

I got back to to the office, shaking, and quickly made my sandwich. It was delish. I love tomatoes and tunafish. It's kinda like tomato soup and tunafish but since it's summer, you don't really want the soup so much. Despite my hunger, I was able to enjoy what I was eating.

The shaking is probably what should have told me I was in big trouble. I had blood sugar problems in my 20's. When that happens, it takes my body a long time to recover. The shaking led to a headache which led to nausea which meant I didn't want to eat my snack. Not eating my snack made things worse and also meant I could not take anything for the headache. I made it to 5pm and munched on a mini Luna bar. I took my headache cocktail and got into bed for an hour.

P felt very bad for me and took me for my fave comfort food...sushi. The miso coated my stomach and then the sushi, mega protein, and a little bit of comforting rice made my body very happy.

When I stepped back and look at the spiraling of events it just reminded me of how important it is to pay attention to your body. Listen to the cues it gives you because it is a wonderful and complex living machine. You have to fuel it correctly to not only just function, but function well. Today, I missed the boat but I learned or was reminded of some important lessons.

Healthy Living Blogging: What Does It Mean?

2010-08-19T01:00:00.003-04:00

In honor of joining Healthy Living Blogs...Here are my thoughts...

Awhile back, I was about 186lbs. I did Weight Watchers, got down to 155lbs and then gained it all back. Then I did it again and went down to 143lbs. I am still working on losing a little more. I felt good at 143lbs but plateaued. I was getting frustrated so I had my husband hide the scale. Seriously, I don't know where it is.

After two months of not having a number stare me in the face every morning (ok, sometimes many times a day) I started to rely on my body more than numbers. How do I feel today? What do I feel like doing for exercise? What do I feel like eating? Are these pants tight/loose/clean? Ok, the clean part wasn't a feeling but more of a smell but you get the idea. I started reading 'healthy living blogs' and they gave me tons of inspiration, recipes and general good advice. Some of the info worked great for me (overnight oats, new veggie rich recipes, new workouts, etc) some didn't work out so well. I am not going to tell you which ones because I am sure they work for some people, just not for me and I would not want to keep you from trying those things.

I loved the blogs I was reading and I wanted to be a part of the community. The people were all so positive. I liked that. I am not really that but am trying. My only worry about blogging about 'healthy living' is that some of the blogs (NOT ALL) I visited seemed like they were just about food and fitness and exercise. That doesn't work for me. Why? For me 'healthy living' is all encompassing. It is about living your life, your whole life, in a healthy way. That means that I write about those things above but I will also write about things that have nothing to do with those topics because I need an outlet for other subjects in order to keep my mental health healthy. To me, it is all woven together. I now realize that I don't have to box myself in to just writing about a few topics. Healthy living has to be woven into the craziness of my everyday life in order for it to work for me. I hope that you stick around to see the whole fabric. :)

If Wishes Were Cool Water

2010-08-19T01:00:00.001-04:00

I don't think I need to tell anyone that resides in these United States that is has been a long, hot summer.

**If you are in your 30's and beyond you might remember that the Long, Hot Summer was made into a made for TV movie (original was a scathing version in the theater in 1958) with Cybil Shepherd and Don Johnson. It was almost too hot for TV. I remember watching it from the top of the stairs outside my bedroom while my Mom had it on in the basement.**

Anyway, sorry for the sidebar but that is what the heat and humidity in the northeastern US will do to you, not fry, but slowly poach your brain. It will also cause your hair to look like crap most of the time.

When I was little, we had a neighbor who had a pool. Her name was Ada; so it was naturally, Ada's Pool. It was a holdover from the pools of the 1950's; big, L-shaped and had a 'deep end' of 10ft. It was fed by spring water which meant is was REALLY cold for half the summer. It didn't really matter though. We were cold water kids. We swam in the waters off Cape Cod. To us, blue lips were cool. The only bad part about the cold pool water was when we came home and had to race past the air conditioning unit in the dining room of the house, towels tightly wrapped around bare skin, otherwise you might freeze solid in the middle of the living room.

This summer I wished I was that little kid again. We know very few people with pools and those we do know live further than next door and no one has a pool from the 1950's. On really hot days this year I would find myself daydreaming or half remembering the joy of being able to play in a pool of cool water: having my Mom rate my dives off the diving board, Marco Polo, swimming through weighted hoops and diving for coins. I remembered what it was like 'going under' that first time of the day, the rush I would get from the cold water enveloping my skin and quickly reducing the surface temperature of my body. Then I'd pop up and the water would stream down my hair, chlorine stinging my eyes a little not just from the chemical but also from the sun reflecting off the water.

These days pools are small, shallow, square and are usually the temperature of warm pee by early July. They cannot compare to the cold spring water, 10 foot depths and 1950's curves of Ada's pool.

On the hot days that are still due to come, you'll find me cruising along the bottom of Ada's pool or jumping off the diving board in a glorious cannonball trying to make it down to 10 feet...in my mind at least.

It's in the Works: My Island

2010-08-17T11:28:00.000-04:00

In trying to get over my Gym Fear I have been trying to get there more often rather than depend on running in the neighborhood. Also, I don't want to hear from P that I am wasting money, belonging to a gym but not going blah, blah, blah. Anyway, the treadmills are set up so that you can watch TV, like most gyms. What I find funny is that the tv's in front of me, one to the left and one to the right are always on CNN and E! respectively.

What I am finding out is that these two channels, not so different from each other. On one hand I have a well known person making a fool out of themselves with outlandish comments in an interview, solely for press (you know, no such thing as bad press) and then on the other hand I have a shot of Snooki baring her patoot after leaving a sex shop (girlfriend should know better than to go commando in a skirt that short). See, not so different.

So these two channels are giving me ideas for the next person to get shipped off to My Island. The problem is, I have SOOOOO many people to choose from these days. I feel like I have gotten behind on my travel agent duties. So, here is a small recap of who is there.

Brittany Spears, Amy Winehouse, Lindsay Lohan, Rick Santorum (this was the first post so there were a few people sent right off the bat)

Ann Coulter

Elizabeth Hasselbeck

Ocotmom, Nadya Suleman

I even have a place for kids of the My Island inhabitants if there is not another parent in the picture

There are a couple other posts about My Island but they deal mostly with what is going on there and responses to requests. Click on the My Island label to see more.

There is no one currently flying stand by so I have room in that category and I have a few usual suspects to send but I want to do my due diligence. I don't send just anyone there. They really have to have some terrible qualities... like qualities that really nothing at all makes up for their general terribleness (I was not really sure that was a word but spell check seems to think it is). Qualities that should probably be removed from the gene pool. I am sure you can think of a few people that deserve a one way ticket to My Island.

Would you like to make suggestions?

When things Fall Into Place...Instead of Apart

2010-08-16T11:50:00.000-04:00

It is a good thing.

Awhile back I started this blog and I was crazy about writing and posting and following and then ... I hit a wall. Work got crazy, I had to work more hours at the Lottery Yarn and I stopped blogging. I never stopped to ask myself why. Looking back, I think that was wrong.

I loved writing and loved the new community. Why did I stop? I felt like I ran out of time. The thing is, I didn't run out of time, I ran out of time for me. I was setting aside time for my job, my second job, cleaning, cooking, errands but I set no time aside for me. Maybe that is why I am so cranky.

So I started again. I did not put a ton of pressure to blog daily but I did find myself thinking about writing again. The little spot in my brain that enjoyed it woke up and wanted to work.

Then, the comments started to roll back in, not as many as before but there are some lovely bloggers that remembered me. Then I saw that SITS was in Philadelphia and although it was sold out, I sent an email to be on the waiting list. Then, a friend told me a should be a writer (yes, I have heard it before but at this time, it worked with the falling into place thing) after reading what I wrote in my blog. Then, I was offered a ticket to the SITS conference. I was able to wrangle a day off from Lottery Yarn and

BOOM!

There is me, going to a social media conference to network and learn how to love my blog more through all sorts of ways. I am excited about meeting Kathy, Tiffany and Francesca. I have known them for awhile on line and I get to meet them in person. I am excited to take this writing thing to the next level and I hope you will come along for the ride. :)

Writers WorkShop: The Craziest Reason I Ever Got in Trouble as a Child

2010-08-12T11:48:00.000-04:00

This is a bit of a rehash of a post from a few years ago but it is very much in line with today's Writers Workshop assignment although I was more teen than child at the time. It is also very funny...at least to me. :)

Awhile back I wrote about my Cape Cod summer love (ok, not really love but you get the idea). I mentioned that there were bells involved at some point and that I would write about them later. It is now later.

So this guy that I met on the Cape who turned out to be the best kisser ever and I were out on the beach near our house one night. It was dark and I couldn't see my watch. I didn't worry though because I could always hear the church bells ring the hour. I had to be home by 11pm.

So there we were, kissing on the beach on a blanket. The moon was out, the water lapped on the beach and his sweatshirt smelled heavenly, like suntan lotion and 'guy' (in a good way). So I listened for the bells to let me know what time I needed to be home. You can see where this is going. I of course lost track of time and never heard the bells. My Mom sent my brother out to the beach to look for me and of course he saw me but what was he going to say, "Um excuse me, but can you get your face off that guy because it's after your curfew and mom is pissed"? Considering he was all of like 7 or 8 at the time, I think not. So he of course reported back that I was kissing a guy on the beach on a blanket. (BTW, my brother was also the one that told my Mom about my tattoo and my bellybutton piercing. Thanks, T.)

Eventually, I must have gotten it through the kissing fog in my brain that it was late and I did not hear any bells. So we made our way back to the house. He left and I went inside. Sitting at the dining table in their nightgowns (not pj's, nightgowns) were my mom, my aunt and my grandmother. They were all still up. My mom was all, "What were you doing out there this late, you were supposed to be home by 11pm, yadda yadda, yadda." I was all, "But it wasn't my fault. I didn't hear the bells!" They all looked at me, like "What is she talking about." I said, "You know the church bells. I was waiting to hear them and I didn't hear them. It's not my fault!"

***crickets chirping***

BWAAAHHHHAAAA! All 3 of them burst out laughing, trying to compose themselves to be mad at me. My mom snorted then my aunt. Eventually I just had to walk away because they couldn't stop. Unfortunately, I still got punished the next day. I had to come in an hour earlier my last night on the Cape. From then on, every year, I was the butt of the joke about "The bells, the bells!"

I would not have normally chosen to rehash an old post but considering that this year... OVER 20 years after this incident... my mother chose to say, "Oh, listen, those are the bells, Jen." I think that this post is relevant to the topic of Writers Workshop. :)

Love and Marriage...and other stuff

2010-08-10T10:38:00.000-04:00

This is the man I married 8 years ago today. In all fairness, I did ask him to give me blue steel as I took this shot. :) He drives me crazy in good ways and in bad (wasn't that part of the vows or something?) and he can grill.

This is better. We were a match made in heaven. We are both difficult people and he lets me win most of the time. He has a kind heart and a very soft spot for the fur babies (sometimes too soft considering he'll let G-dog take my side if the bed if I am not careful). When we first got together, he played guitar, wrote me songs. He made me cards and one time when he was teaching a camp, made me flowers out of paper. He was hilariously funny and could disarm you in a second with is terrible puns. One time he even spray painted his love for me on a football field. No joke.

Now it is eight years later. He is no longer a teacher, the guitar case is a tad dusty and I have heard all his jokes...I am not kidding...EVERY SINGLE ONE. I have not gotten flowers in a while, paper or otherwise and song-writing has been replaced by power point presentations for his sales job.

Sometimes...it makes me sad.

Then I remember, this is the man who comforted me when I was at my very lowest and supported me when I left my last job and took a much lower paying one to keep my sometimes questionable sanity. This is the man who no matter how hardened, cynical or jaded I become, he tries to make me laugh (and usually can). This is the man who silently stood by and let me go off like a raving lunatic on USAirways when they screwed us out of a weekend away, just because he knew I needed to do it (also I suspect he didn't want any misplaced anger going his direction, smart that one). He makes sure he tells me he loves me every day, even when I don't feel like saying it back, and kisses me every night when we go to sleep.

...and he can grill...

I have it pretty good I think. :)

Yum! Veggie Meal On My Own

2010-08-06T10:54:00.000-04:00

I had the house to myself last night. That means drop the a/c a couple notches, both doggies on the bed with no grumbling from M-dog and a veggie meal for me.

Sabrina over at Rhodygirl Tests wrote about Zucchini Pasta a little while back and I was dying to try it for all the same reasons she wanted to do it.

1. I love a big bowl of pasta but do not love the cals that come with a big bowl
2. I love zucchini and there is plenty of it right now

This is what I was working with

The recipe for the zucchini pasta is very simple.

Zucchini Pasta
-Use a veggie peeler to peel ribbons of zucchini.
I was trying to figure out the best way to do this as I wanted to have some of the skin left on the zucchini pasta both for nutrition (fiber) and for looks. The green stripe along either side of the ribbon looked pretty. I found that if I stripped off the skin on 4 sides of the zucchini length-wise and then started peeling for the actual pasta after that, I got exactly what I was looking for. The ribbons were about an inch wide. I peeled only until I started seeing seeds. At that point, the zucchini looked like a square block. What I should have done was grate it and toss it in the freezer for adding to other things later but I already had a ton so it went to the compost pile.
- Steam the ribbons over salted water for 2-3 minutes.
- Toss the zucchini with your favorite sauce or simple topping

Sabrina used pesto which looked amazing. She also suggested marinara or even just some garlic and olive oil. I had a bunch or really good looking tomatoes from my CSA that were begging to be put to good use so I made a quick sauce with tomatoes, cipollini onions, garlic and white wine. Other than the chopping/seeding of the tomatoes, this recipe is very quick and easy.

Tomato Sauce
- Seed and chop tomatoes (I used 4 large), chop onions (3 small cipollini but you can use any type you like), chop garlic
-Heat a little olive oil in a pan over medium heat and add onions. Allow to soften at least, you can caramelize too if you like the flavor, add garlic and cook for about 30 seconds (I am TERRIBLE at letting garlic burn so I always add it when there are other things in the pan already), add the tomatoes and a little salt. The tomatoes will give off a good deal of liquid, allow it to cook down to concentrate the flavors. Once most of the liquid is gone, add some white wine (I poured anywhere from 1/4 to 1/2 cup I think, just out the bottle) and allow that to cook down.
-When you are satisfied with the consistency of the sauce, remove from heat and add zucchini ribbons, toss gently.
-Plate and add your fave cheese to the top. I used a pecorino romano.
-Something I did not do which I will next time is allow the sauce and the zucchini to sit for a few minutes to let the flavors meld. I realized that I needed to do this when the dish kept getting better the more I ate. :)

This is what I ended up with

You'll notice I had an ear of corn in the first pic. I ate that as an app, raw over the sink...OMG so good! If you live in the Philly area, Maple Acres Farm in Plymouth Meeting has the BEST CORN EVER!

This dish was wonderful. I will make it again and again. I think next time I will make less sauce and allow the texture of the zucchini to be highlighted more. It was similar to pasta and I found that the ribbons with a little green skin were firmer (in a good way) than the ones without skin. This could be a great side as well especially if you have a significant other or other dinner partner that must have their meat at every meal.

Funny - I had a green stain on my hand from holding the zucchini and peeling. I have zucchini all the time and this was the first time that happened. Took a little scrubbing to get off too.

Let me know if you give it a try!

If I Could Do it Over...

2010-08-05T13:48:00.000-04:00

I love Mama's Kat's Writer's Workshops. They really get me thinking about events in my life, things I'd like to do, etc. This one was odd though because I was having a hard time picking a topic. This subject won out when I pulled a number out of a coffee mug.

1.) If you could do it over again…

The problem with this is, I would not want to do many things over because I believe that the teeniest, tiniest change can alter an entire life. That scares me a little. If I had changed my path by one footprint, one small decision to skip rather than run or walk things could be very different, better, worse, etc. Then I thought about what I would WANT to be different and went backwards from there.

I came up with one thing:

I wish I had switched majors in college.

I kick myself every day for this. I got to a point in school where Marine Biology was not doing it for me anymore. I didn't like the professors (they were oh so high and mighty with that #3 school in the country for Marin Bio label), I didn't like the fact that there were almost no jobs with only an undergrad degree (more school! WHAT!?) and I hated the fact that for each science course I had to take a lab with an other 3 plus hours a week for only 1 credit. I was also taking geology courses but I think I liked the subject more than the thought of actually getting a degree in it. All I wanted to do was get out of school. I am not sure if it was just because I was in major I didn't love anymore or if it was because at the age of 19 or 20 I wasn't ready to know exactly what I wanted to do with my life. I truly think it's the last thing. I mean lets face it, it took me until I was 35 to figure out how to deal with my hair. How was I supposed to figure out my entire life at 19?

Hind-sight being 20/20 I would have done exactly what another friend had done, drop the science and major in something in the English department. Even then I loved to write and I loved me some literature. I didn't have her guts though (love ya L!). I still don't. I was afraid to make a change like that for fear of facing the same ire from my parents when I suggested to them that I take a semester off. It is so funny (not ha ha funny by any stretch) to look back on it now because I could have told them and worked it out. I have only myself to blame...

and to fix.

Maybe it's time I started looking at what I can do about what I WANT to do...what I could do if I HAVE (not had) the chance to do it over again.

Cape Cod: Beach Beard

2010-08-03T16:48:00.000-04:00

If you have been reading for awhile and even if you haven't you know my love for the Cape of Cod is infinite. There are things that happen there that don't happen in other places. I feel at peace while I am there. I am able to soul search with ease.

This also happens:

Ritual shaving of the beach beard. What is a beach beard you may ask? For the past few years my husband, brother and his friends have had a beach beard 'contest'. There are no winners really it is more an exercise of laziness to see what they look like with facial hair. Most of them are pretty clean cut the rest of the year but they let themselves go while they are on the Cape. A day or two before leaving they shave their beards into something to attract attention.

When you are in an area like Cape Cod THIS attracts attention. Peter and I were walking to a cafe at the marina on our last day and all of a sudden he doubled over with laughter. It seems the teenager that was walking towards us gave him an incredibly dirty look.

I decided to walk a few steps ahead after that.

Don't get me wrong, it is amusing and they seem to take much pleasure in the traditional ritual.

I just worry that one year we are going to see men in their cranberry shorts embroidered with whales and women in the Lily Pulitzer showing up at our front door with torches and pitchforks.

Journalism Today: Fail

2010-08-02T16:42:00.000-04:00

I read an article today regarding how a dog attacked its owner. Now, I realize that it is awful that this happened. I am sure that the victims were scared and hurt. When I first read it my outrage was more about what probably caused this to happen (dog did not just go nuts) rather than what I am about to write. When I stepped back and thought about the way the article was written it got me thinking more deeply.

Is that what journalism has come to in print media?

"When Deborah Hankin's boyfriend left her and his gargantuan Cane Corso Mastiff, she continued to care for him like her own, feeding him every day at 2:30 p.m.
But in return, the beast turned around and mangled her and a friend Saturday afternoon at her home"- Philadelphia Daily News 8/2/10

This lead reads like a fiction short story rather than a news article. That in itself is disturbing enough. The rest of the article was poorly written as well. The more I thought about it, the angrier it made me. There was absolutely no research done for this article. The writer took it upon herself to use the skills she learned in a fiction class to make her article appear more interesting. That is not news writing.

It seems to me these days that when journalists...and I am using that term VERY loosely... are tasked with writing about a subject, they sometimes feel the need to either glamorize/exaggerate it, no better than a reality tv show, or they insert their own opinion in what is CLEARLY not an opinion piece. I see this daily in any number of print and tv journalism pieces. It seems to me that some journalists do not know where the line between opinion and fact lies.

I like to write. I did not go to school for it but even I know the difference between an opinion piece and a news piece. Both types SHOULD require research from different angles and both should read like a well informed person wrote it. A news piece should cover all the angles, tell the facts and give readers a well informed idea of an issue or event. An opinion piece should show both sides, or many sides of an issue then proceed to use well thought out research, writing and words that would back up the opinion of the writer. Don't they teach this to aspiring journalists anymore? I am torn between believing if it is laziness on their part or ignorance.

I guess in a world where reality tv is king, Rush Limbaugh is considered informed (about his own opinions and not much else) and the Tea Party thinks that "Don't Tread on Me" is their own motto (please, again lazy people that could not come up with their own slogan) this is going the be the norm rather than the correct.

Are You Happy?

2010-07-30T11:46:00.003-04:00

Jenna over at Eat, Live, Run asked this simple question today. To be honest I might not have answered it if there had not been a contest involved. ;)

Why?

I am not usually a very optimistic person. I often look for hurdles and stuff that has to be done rather that stuff that makes me happy. Today though I thought about the question for less than about 2 seconds and I was able to answer, "Yes!". What is funny is I did not really think about if I was or not, I just knew that at that moment, I was not unhappy. It was almost a reflex. When I did think about why, I came up with really simple things.

1. Gorgeous weather this morning (doggy walk and my run and sunroof open on my drive to work)
2. Yummy breakfast (more overnight oats)
3. Lunch at Whole Foods, outside, in said gorgeous weather very soon
4. The smell of soup cooking last night reminding me of fall

I stopped at that because the hurdles were trying to creep into my thoughts. This just reminds me to think more in the moment. I don't mean abandon all sense of planning for the future by blowing all my cash on a trip to Anguilla (would be nice though). I mean live in the moment in small ways; a good breakfast, a good sleep, doggie kisses and good cooking smells from my kitchen. I have worries, but maybe I don't have to worry about them 24/7. That might take some effort on my part but the way I am feeling makes me want to start.

Hooked! Overnight Oats

2010-07-29T10:37:00.004-04:00

I know my posting has been very bad but I am trying not to pressure myself too much with it. I also know I feel better when I do it so I will try to do it more often.

I HAVE however been reading lots of other blogs, many are health and fitness blogs. What is great about them is that they don't make me feel bad about where I am in my health and fitness goals but they DO have great ideas that I can use just about every day.

Just about every single one talks about Overnight Oats. Now this is not the steel cut variety, it is the rolled variety and it requires no cooking. No cooking is a good thing in the steamy summer where your a/c limps along. I do love me some oats though. I had no been putting off trying it...I just kept forgetting to make them the night before.

Many of the recipes (and I use the term recipe lightly b/c there are sooooo many variations on it) call for a protein powder but I left it out as I don't do quite as much exercising at these ladies do and a bowl of hot oats usually keeps me going till lunch time. I went very basic.

1/2 cup rolled oats (not the quick ones)
1/2 cup Vanilla Almond Milk
cinnamon
pinch of salt

I used a fork to mix together the milk, cinnamon and salt before adding the oats. I was worried the cinnamon would clump on one section of the oats if I didn't do that step. I then added the oats and stirred to combine. This was all in a 2 cup plastic Ziploc container with lid.

When I pulled it out of the fridge this morning. And gave is a whiff, it smelled really good. The sweetness of the Vanilla Almond Milk and the cinnamon made it smell a little like rice pudding.

Then I tasted it. YUM! Even without additional fixin's it was great! I did add blueberries and a little yogurt. Very good but really didn't even need the yogurt! I am thinking a little cocoa powder would be excellent as well. Might try that next. The consistency was really pretty much like oatmeal but not as saturated. I really liked the texture.

If you are looking for a new quick breakfast, I HIGHLY recommend it! Wish I had pics but I ate it too quickly. ;)

Much thanks to Jenna at Eat, Live, Run and Sabrina at Rhodeygirl Tests for the inspiration!

One of the Funniest Things to Come Out of My Cape Cod Vacation

2010-07-26T14:47:00.004-04:00

This is my brother and his friend (ok, probably more like adopted brother he and another one of my brother's friends have been coming with us to the Cape for years). I am not exactly sure how it started but it was hilarious. If you don't think so, check with your doc. ;)

Gym Fear

2010-07-06T13:11:00.002-04:00

I knew it was coming. This week temps are topping out at 100+ and being southeastern PA the humidity is not much lower. I can't run in this...even in the early morning.

So, I joined a gym.

I am not completely uncoordinated. I used to rock a step class like no one's business. That was fourteen years ago. I have fallen off the elliptical in my home and I tripped over my dog last month, spraining my ankle. So getting on machines in front of people makes me nervous. I don't want to be 'that girl that fell off the tread mill' or 'that girl that fell off
Also, that complementary personal training session that gyms give you? Just annoying. Some random PT shows you around and puts you on a cookie cutter circuit and looks very disinterested while doing it. It has ALWAYS annoyed me, in every gym I have ever been to. You are doing your reps and they are looking around, maybe walking away, not at all interested in what you are doing. I always feel like I am bothering them somehow. Maybe it would be different if I was PAYING them but they could at the very least TRY to get me to pay them.

Don't even get me started on the locker room. Talk about judgment. I don't need that much info about perfect strangers and I don't give that much info to people I know.

So all in all, I already have issues with self esteem and body image. They just seem compounded when I enter a gym. I guess the only thing to do about that fear is face it. Go every day, get used to it and walk around in my too big running shorts and tee and not give it a second thought.

...I am not walking around naked in the locker room though. There is only so much judgment my thighs can take.

Pre-Guilting

2010-07-01T12:04:00.002-04:00

Oh it's bad, it is. Guilt is something I was born with and has been difficult to remove. It's like that spiderweb you run into that you can't see and you are stuck with that icky feeling of the web strands and no matter how hard you try to remove them, you still feel them. *shudder*

I used to think guilt was just a part of my Catholic upbringing and if I left the Catholic behind, I'd leave the guilt there too. Not so much.

Even worse, I have found a NEW way to feel this horrible thing, pre-guilt. I just identified it this morning when I was looking at the sucky weather report for the next 10 days. Next week we are to have temps above 95 degrees and not below 72 degrees. This is bad for the girl that has been trying to get back to her normal running pace after being hampered by an ankle sprain and no gym membership. So even though I have absolutely no control about the weather I already feel guilty that I am not going to run on Monday.

How sick am I?

I haven't even slacked off yet and here I am feeling guilty becuase on Monday, in the future, I am not going to run. This is just ridiculous. I have to do something about this before I completely lose my mind and start blaming myself for the BP oil spill (which I already kinda do, driving an SUV and all).

So how do I do it? How do I stop guilt (for things that are unnecessary...I mean, if I was nasty for no reason to someone I would still feel guilty) from taking over?

How do you do it? How do you stop guilt?

This is Just Weird

2010-06-24T09:43:00.004-04:00

So we have very little storage space in our house and it is MOST evident in our kitchen. I actually had to forgo a set of dishes because they were too big for the cabinet. I found a set that work but I definitely need to reorganize a little and maybe put some things in the yard sale pile. The strange part is, I know EXACTLY what I should get rid of or at lease streamline but I cannot bring myself to do it and I don't know why.

Coffee mugs. I know, really odd.

I am not talking about the ones that match my new dishes I am talking about the ones we have been given at little gifts or maybe one that I picked up while traveling. I set it in my mind that I should keep three and I'd let P pick three to keep as well. I could not do it. It was like trying to pick stuffed animals to keep and the rest to send to....um...a farm.

I think I get this from my Mom. She has a HUGE collection of mugs that she doesn't need as well. Seriously I think she has like 30 in her cabinet. Seriously! Also, I drink coffee every weekday from travel mugs (that I don't get rid of until they are falling apart. Not dishwasher safe? Whatever) so it's not like I am using the stupid ceramic mugs every day, only on the weekends.

Why do I need to keep two Christmas mugs in my cabinet? Why do I need a mug from Cape Cod that was made in China? Why do I need any mug that is smaller than 6 ounces? I don't need them so why is it so hard to get rid of them? Why am I keeping the stainless steel ones that burn my lips when I try to drink from them?

I just really hope I am not moving into Hoarders territory.

Do you have anything that you know you should get rid of but can't seem to?

Best Laid Plans or What Do I Do Now?

2010-06-16T14:16:00.002-04:00

I should just stop trying to plan more than a week ahead when it comes to life. Something always pops up and for some reason lately I have not been very good at adjusting to the flow...

ok

I have never been good at adjusting to the flow but I digress. It seems like lately every time I plan out my meals or exercise regime for more than a week, something happens to drastically screw everything up. Take this week for example, I was looking forward to getting back on track with my morning workouts. I had been fighting allergies/summer cold/crap for about 2 weeks. I get up out of bed on Monday morning and go out with the dogs for their walk and then my run. Dear sweet M-dog decides he wants to jump after another dog which leads me to falling down and rolling my ankle...it was not a small roll, I got the sickening pop you hear when you know you are in for a good deal of swelling. I was probably just about as far from my house as you can get on our normal route. I got up and limped home with the dogs and my ankle swelled to the point where it looked like I swallowed half a tennis ball and it ended up on my ankle.

So, no run, no elliptical no cardio really for me. I was able to at least walk the dogs this morning but it was obvious that I could not run or really do a lot of pressure on it. So this interrupts my long term plan of being in better shape before my vacation in a month. I know I still have a month but a couple pounds have popped up out of (almost) nowhere too and so I feel like I am losing a battle here.

I think the lesson here is that I need to be more flexible and more prepared to be flexible. I see the lesson in the syllabus but I don't see me learning it. Seriously, I am actually frowning as I am writing this, like a gumpy old man that needs to switch from rabbit ears to a digital converter box. How am I going to do this?

YOUR Going to Flip ME Off? Really, Bike Dude?

2010-05-27T13:27:00.004-04:00

I am going to take some crap for this one. Not many but a couple people.

I am a considerate driver when it comes to people on bicycles. I think that it is a great way to exercise and a wonderful alternate form of transportation. I make sure that I don't tailgate them on back roads. I pass them carefully if needed, I don't gun my engine.

So when some jackass who thinks that he is Lance Armstong or just has his ego, decides to flip ME off for cutting me off in an intersection when I have the right of way (see that left turn signal, buddy it's for people make LEFT TURNS, NOT GOING STRAIGHT!) I get really fired up.

Who do these guys think they are? They are on a moving vehicle which is subject to all the traffic laws that we in cars are supposed to abide by but they are almost NEVER ticketed for things that would warrant HUGE fines for drivers in cars. They blow stop signs, red lights, use turning lanes as their own personal line jump at traffic lights and are a generally selfish bunch.

Share the road? Yeah, I'll share the road when they decide to share it.

No excuse for this kind of behavior at all.

Burning Question

2010-05-26T12:27:00.002-04:00

I was running this morning and there is a stream of thought that I could not get out of my head. In the movie "Animal House," when our heroes are standing in Dean Wormer's office as he reads off their grades to them I wonder, which was worse, D-Day's "has no grade point average, all courses incomplete" or Bluto's 0.0? I mean, D-Day probably could have just retook the classes and had no failing grades (if he didn't fall off the face of the earth according to the end of the movie) but Bluto and the other guys with crazy low GPA's would have to spend the rest of their college careers trying to bring up that GPA. I mean Wormer seemed pretty disgusted with them all but I think D-Day had the least worry.

What do you think?

Heartsick and Scared

2010-05-20T10:34:00.003-04:00

A long time ago there was a young girl who found everything about the ocean magical. The more she learned the more she wanted to learn. She played in tidal pools with hermit crabs, searched for starfish on the jetty rocks and swam underwater with her eyes open until they stung from the saltwater.

Eventually, she learned about the wetlands and estuaries from a marine science camp and fell in love all over again. She learned how the wetlands act as nurseries for many of the aquatic creatures she'd come to love and how they protect the mainland from bad weather coming in from the ocean. It thrilled her to see how all of a sudden the grassy salt marsh hay stopped and the longer, beach grass started. Watching fiddler crabs scurry from hole to hole dragging their big claw was comical and always brought a smile to her face.

She went to college for Marine Biology and learned more and more. While there though she realized that this love could not be translated into a job. Many of the professors turned her off to the program and she found other interests. She sill loved the ocean, the wetlands and all it had to teach her but she wanted to learn about it on her terms.

Today, she stares at the pictures from the oil spill and watches it kill everything the wetlands she loves. She feels a murderous rage for the people that allowed this to happen. She is even more angry at the people that try to play it off as some sort of natural occurrence. Watching the oil creep towards the shore and spread out in the currants reminds her of 'The Nothing' that was consuming Fantastica in 'The Neverending Story'. When she thinks of the death that will cover the wetlands for years to come tears spring to her eyes and her heart feels as if it is being squeezed by a horrible meaty fist.

That girl is me. I am heartbroken at the knowledge that not only will so much death blanket the area but that it will continue to do so for years and years. The ecosystems will be changed forever and while amazingly resilient, their recovery will not satisfy the instant gratification this world craves. I worry that after a year, people will look at the area and decide that it is then ok to further poach the wetlands for MORE oil. They will not give the area the time it needs to heal and it will be lost and dead forever. I am very scared for what this means for all the wetlands and oceans. This is what 'drill baby drill' has gotten us.

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

2010-05-17T15:03:00.004-04:00

I think I may have clicked "New Post" a half a dozen times today trying to figure out which topic to tackle. The one that is foremost on my mind right has to do with a difficult decision I need to make.

Do I quit Lottery Yarn or stick it out?

YL has lost it's allure now that I am required to work a set number of hours and have been denied days off when I have requested them over a month in advance. I don't need the aggravation of trying to find people to cover a shift when my husband needs to go out of town or if I want to do something more fun than stand around at YL on a gorgeous day.

Have I gotten anything out of it? Honestly, not as much as I thought I would. I have been there four years and I was able to get some furniture for the bedroom and a leather couch and odds and ends. I got a few gifts at good deals too. What seems to be happening now though is I am putting in more than I am getting out.

I teach their design classes and the regulars are always coming back and really seem to like what I do. I bring coffee for them and morning goodies (which I was told I was no longer going to be reimbursed for). I research the topics ahead of time to get more info because the outlines are terrible. I have enjoyed doing it and I get high praise from everyone in the store, you'd think I'd be a bit more of a valued employee but no.

I take the job seriously although I have another full time job that takes priority. I don't cheat the YL job just because it is not my full time job. I just think that I deserve the same respect and I don't think anyone there is getting that respect. For example, they scheduled a mandatory meeting after hours on a Sunday. That would normally not be so bad but that particular day is FATHER'S DAY. Who does that? Who tells their staff of whom 90% is part time that they need to be around for a mandatory meeting from 6pm to 8pm ON FATHER'S DAY?

The flip side is, I enjoy just about everyone I work with and I enjoy helping most customers. I am just thinking that the $8.70/hour plus discount really isn't worth what I am giving up anymore.

Thoughts? Help? Suggestions?

Whole Foods Sells Crack

2010-05-14T14:14:00.002-04:00

Just sayin'...

Lazy

2010-05-12T15:32:00.004-04:00

I was over at Mommy Melee (that's right, I can read Mommy blogs and not be a mommy) today and was reading her opinion on some things having to do with ads and blogging. Now there were somethings on that post that really steamed me but what I was really wondering is...

Am I lazy because I don't really care that much about ads and PR?

When I started blogging, I was in a freshman class with some talented people. Many of them have really taken off and are doing incredible things while I took an ...ahem...hiatus. They have great sponsors and are going to conferences and doing cool giveaways.

Then there is me, trying to find the time, trying to come up with something good to write about while simultaneously trying not to feel bad that I can't build stuff like the ladies at Knock Off Wood or Remodelholic. Where is my time being spent?

I will admit...there was a time period during the winter where I watched too many reruns or Bones on TNT but I stopped that eventually but the time still does not seem to be available to me.

People say to 'make the time'. That is physically, and I mean in terms of physics, impossible. I added up the hours I have during the week recently and I was STUNNED at what was available to me outside or job 1, job 2 and sleep. It didn't seem like much.

So what to I need to change in order to feel like I am getting the last drop out of the time I have.

How do you do it?

Foodie Weekend Part 2

2010-05-11T20:22:00.005-04:00

So since I had busy Saturday, I knew I would not be able to do Mother's Day justice. So, I turned to a place that I knew would; The Spring Mill Caf e in Conshohocken.

*I took this pic through my car window a couple years ago*

I have a personal connection to this place or rather P does. He has known the proprietors since he was about three years old. The owners, son, Ezra and P would spend time there after school. P remembers eating the sugar cubes on the tables. Now, Ezra runs the place and his mother still is the chef but she also travels a good deal Still, the kitchen is absolutely wonderful and very consistent.

We had been many times but never for brunch. OH what we were missing! What was so great was that even though it was brunch, they had some of the specialties like their house make pates and chocolate mousse. There were a few other things that I don't usually see though like the brioche and berry mousse that I had as my appetizer. First you have to know that the breads are all made on site so this brioche was fresh out of the oven, hot and sweet and the perfect match to the berry mousse. P had the house pate plate; truffled chicken liver mousse, rillettes and country pate. Their pate is the best I have ever had. I go there to get it if I am bringing an HDO to someone's home. P was nice enough to give me a little. :) Mom got a fruit plate which she liked but was...fruit. :) For our main course I had their version of Eggs Benedict with pancetta and fresh Maine crab. They poached the eggs so perfectly that when you punctured them, the yolk perfectly enrobed the dish. P had Steak a cheval (steak and eggs). He made fast work of it, no taste for me. :( That's ok though. Most of the table had chocolate mousse for dessert. Here's the thing about the chocolate mousse, ethereal. That is the only way to describe it. It is an experience to eat it. All in all, it was a a fabulous meal, not surprising because we always love it there.

A note on the wonderfulness of the restaurant manager, Ezra. On Valentine's Day, as P and I were leaving the restaurant, Ezra gave us 2 chocolate mousses to take home because he knows how much we LOVE them. How awesome is that! I highly recommend going as soon as possible!

Foodie Post Yay!

2010-05-10T14:35:00.005-04:00

Without pics - Booo! Ok, one pic thanks to the restaurant's website.

I am sorry but my stupid Blackberry will only hold a couple pics these days for some reason. Yet another reason to get an iPhone.

Anyway...this was an INSANE foodie weekend for me. I tried a new place and was at an old favorite for brunch.

On Saturday evening we went to L'Oca in Philadelphia. It is an Italian bistro right smack dab next to Eastern State Penitentiary. I love this section of Philly. I lived there for a year and just fell in love. It was fitting that we had this dinner with my old roomies who are now married with kids and living in Fairmount.

L'Oca is a BYO and we brought a lovely Malbec and our friends brought two reds as well. They were perfect for the windy, chilly evening. For starters P and I had the Gnocchetti Armenville -

Baked croquettes of semolina flour, Parmesan & Asiago cheeses, red peppers, mushrooms, asparagus and speck (smoked prosciutto), topped with brown butter & sage. There were six croquettes so it was a good one to split...and they suggest you do so. Each was a perfect pillow with the stuffing placed inside. The flavors were amazing together. For my main course I had the Trofie Con Funghi e Patate - Artisanal pasta braised with potatoes, arugula, exotic mushrooms and tossed with Toma cheese. I am a huge mushroom lover and this dish was absolutely amazing and perfect for someone that could live on mushrooms. The cheese and the mushrooms and the arugula were a simple combination but their layered flavors were heavenly. P had the Braised Goose with Pappardelle. It was named 'Best of Philly' for pasta in 2007 for this dish. P was going to get the steak but I convinced him that his love of duck made this a better choice. I was wrong that goose and duck were so similar but this dish was even better than mine and that was saying a lot. The ragu was succulent, rich and had a background sweetness that enhanced the overall flavor. The only place that fell a bit short was the dessert we had. We both chose a chocolate flourless cake that was described as 'close to a brownie consistency.' It was too dry for both of us but since we got nicely made cappuccinos we did a little dipping and it was quite nice. :) One of our friends got the lemon tart described as 'lemon meringue without the meringue.' It was quite tart but I noticed it was gone rather quickly as well. :)

What I found interesting was that what we chose went along excellently with the windy chilly day. It was as if it was a part of the meal. The restaurant became loud as it got more crowded but it still felt warm and cozy as we drank our wine, chatted, laughed and watched the trees get tossed in the wind. The large windows which can all be thrown open wide in nicer weather is just one of reasons I want to go back soon. The food will keep me going back in any season.

Next: Mother's Day Brunch review. I know what they say about brunch but this place is an exception...trust me.

Little Things: Raisin Bread Toast

2010-05-07T10:09:00.002-04:00

I bought some raisin bread at the West Chester Growers Marke t last week from Big Sky Bread Company. Mom and I split it and I have had it in the fridge all week. This morning I had a craving for it so I took out 2 slices (oooo! has some chopped nuts too!) and put it in the toaster (which is awesome by the way. Thank you Consumer reports). I even indulged in a little butter. OMG! It was heaven. They were perfectly toasted and the bread was a treat without being too sweet.

I need to remember to pay attention to little moments like this because it was by far one of the BEST things to happen to me this week.

The High School Flashback I will post in a little bit...

Can't Fix Stupid

2010-05-06T15:04:00.003-04:00

I have a temper. Anyone who has played football with me has seen it. It is jokingly referred to as "Red Jen" as in "Red Ross" from a Friends episode. I went Red Jen today with somethings I saw on Facebook.
See that picture above. The cute black and white doggie sleeping in the sun with his rabbit (under his paw) and flying squirrel face (next to his nose)? That doggie that snuggles with me and licks away my tears and running sweat should be dead according to some people. Do you know why? He is part pitty. Yep, the lab/pit mix I have should be illegal and euthanized. Do you know why? He is vicious. So vicious that he runs from the vacuum cleaner, the opening of new garbage bags and shakes when there are fireworks in the vicinity. He is such a frightening specimen of canine aggressiveness that you must protect yourself from the nosy nudges for head scratches and belly rubs. Worst of all is when he pulls his lips back and...smiles when you say "Hi M-dog!" or give him his dinner or take him outside.

There are people I was arguing with for awhile that think that all Dobermans, Rotties, German Shepherds and any other dog with a big mouth that could possibly kill anything should be illegal and killed.

I stopped arguing when they said that part. I just simply said, "I can't argue with you anymore. I can't fix stupid."

Delay...Due to Yarn

2010-05-05T11:03:00.004-04:00

My Deadliest Catch Recap will be delayed due to a gathering of co-workers from the Lottery Yarn saying good bye to another friend and co-worker. Since we are forced to be in the store (whether there are things to do or not) until 10pm, festivities could not commence till that hour.

I am getting tired of the Yarn. When I started working there I could work a shift or two a week now I supposedly (I say supposedly because the jury is still out on that, more later) I HAVE to be there 12 hours a week. Considering that there are 168 hours in a week and 49 of those are spent (hopefully) sleeping and 40 at my day job, that leaves 79 hours to have a life....12 of which are taken away from the Yarn. It's not looking too good for the part-time job right now...

*PSA: for those of you who do not know what Lottery Yarn is, it rhymes with my part time job. Think about it.

In Dreams

2010-05-03T21:29:00.002-04:00

I had killer migraine this morning. Usually they go away after I medicate but not today. I don't usually dream when I try to sleep away the pain but today I had a very vivid dream, one that squeezed my heart almost dry of tears. I dreamed of my Dad.

It was daytime, the sky was blue and I was on a ladder of some sort. I saw my Dad walking towards me talking as if he had not been dead for seven years. He was wearing a light green shirt, shorts and his glasses. He was directing me where to go to buy a computer. All I wanted to do was hug him and hold him close. I had to say 'Dad' a could times to get him to stop talking. Then I looked at him and said, "Can I please have a hug?" He looked a little odd as if the question surprised him. It was as if he didn't really get that he had been gone for so long. He opened his arms and hugged me. I was holding on to tight and just started bawling uncontrollably, no speaking. I remember the tears being hot and getting on his shirt. Somewhere in the background someone said, "She is grieving." I just wanted to hold on. He was warm, like he'd been in the sun. I remember his smell and just being safe, no worries for a few moments. When I woke up, I was on my side, my arms were wrapped around me and they were almost numb from I guess squeezing so hard. I was surprised that my eyes were dry because of the crying. I just wanted to go back to sleep and go back. Even now as I write this, I am crying.

I forget the grief sometimes and the anger at not having him in my life. It's days like this that hit me like a ton of bricks. I am never sure after wards if I feel better or worse.

Friday High School Flashback

2010-04-30T11:13:00.004-04:00

This note has so many 1989 references for me. I was a sophomore and the last couple months had been a tad crazy for me. A guy that I was dating that was a senior dumped me THE DAY I GOT MY PROM DRESS for HIS prom (yeah, you know who you are). Another guy asked me from our group of friends but I didn't know he had a girlfriend that didn't go to our school AND NO ONE TOLD ME. I went to the prom and it was kind of awkward later and is addressed in the letter but all was well the following year.

Anyway, this is from my good friend Angela who never missed an episode of "Yo, MTV Raps" when it was amusing in the late eighties and oddly also LOVED (ok still loves) The Cure.

Once again, a last name has been erased in one of the PS's to protect the far from innocent. Click on the pic to read.

Writers Workshop Thursday - Foot IN Mouth Disease

2010-04-29T11:13:00.003-04:00

Honestly, this does not happen that often. I think way too much about what I say. I carefully avoid topics that might offend someone just in case they have a crazy relative or some horrible traumatic episode in their past that might be dredged up because I mention one thing or another.

BUT about once a year, I do say something that makes me wonder if an alien has taken over my body. Something interesting, I am never partaking of adult beverages so I don't have an excuse other than "Sofia from the Golden Girls Disease". Remember that she would just say whatever, whenever? It's like that but it last for 2 seconds and I am left wide-eyed wondering what hell just happened.

So, when I first moved back to PA I was actually seeing someone. It was a guy my brother introduced me to that was a volunteer fireman. He was a really nice guy and he helped move me from NC to PA (NOTE: I had already decided to move back BEFORE I met this guy). Anyway, my brother had a party at my Mom's house and this guy was there and a friend of his. His friend was a really nice guy too (and he was a K9 cop which is just too cool). So this guys was lamenting about how he could not find the right girl and so the guys were giving him advice and I had a Golden Girl moment...

'We'll just get you some spray on hair and you'll be good to go."

*crickets chirping...loudly*

I seriously don't know what happened right after that but I do know that I was STUNNED at what I had just said. I have NO CLUE to this day why I said it. Was he loosing his hair, yes. He was a REALLY good looking guy though which totally would have overshadowed that feature. Needless to say, that guy and I stopped seeing each other. No break up really, just stopped on account of me being A TOTAL LUNATIC.

Identify Your Exits

2010-04-29T09:57:00.002-04:00

This is not only a good idea for spies and those associated with various organized crime families (not picking on any ONE nationality...there are many) but also good for people with kids and older family members. For kids, you want to know how to get out as soon as possible if there is a meltdown or some such activity. For older people, maybe they have trouble with stairs so you want to be prepared.

In my case, it would be good for me to know so that I don't rush away from dinner with friends to head out to check my new car for dents and scratches only to find out what I thought was the exit was actually the men's bathroom.

That poor guy will probably have performance anxiety for the rest of his life.

Deadliest Catch: Sea Tested

2010-04-27T21:27:00.004-04:00

Yay! The boys are back for my fave Tuesday night show. I am wondering every show how much longer we will get to see Phil and it makes me sad. I try to stuff that down with hating Keith. I am ready for his whiny ass this week though. Nothing will surprise me.

We open with a weather report 3 weeks into the King Crab season. Not a good report at all. Two storms on the way with rain, snow and winds 30-40 knots. I was not crazy about the mist I had to deal with while walking the dogs this morning so I understand how they guys must feel.

Edgar and Sig are still battling it out but in a more passive aggressive manner. Sig even says he doesn't care who wins, it's filling the tanks that matters. He is also worried about the weather and the tide. It's kind of a mess. Hey! It's Jake H's 24th b-day! I am thinking that some ass kicking is coming his way. Sig put Jake H. on the rail. Looks like he'll be heading back to the CM in a couple days though.

The newbie Kodiak is up next. I am thinking I am not crazy about his guy after last week. He is friends with the Hilstrands, so maybe there is something good to him but...my initial feeling is no. I mean he hired Russ Newbery for cripes sake. Looks like he finally landed on the crab though after Jonathan gave him insight into their honey hole. He definitely mellows out when his pots are full. I am thinking bipolar. When Bill calls the Hilstrands to let them know he hit big and to thank Johnathan, Bill then lets the Hilstrands know that he hired Russ ("pick up something you left on the the dock"). The bros act fine about it over the radio but laugh about it afterwards. Andy seems to think Bill is inviting a ton of trouble. I was not aware of how much he really disliked Russ. Interesting.

Next up Time Bandit. They are hitting the weather but need to grid through this strand and get the heck out of there. The water from the waves is coming down like heavy rain. They are hitting huge numbers. BUT, they are hitting tons of jellyfish too. ick. I really would like to see the guys start peeing on each other, a la Friends...ok, not really but still funny. They ridicule one of the deck hands for wearing goggles to keep the jelly fish stinging cells out of his eyes. I am sorry. I know it is a tough guy game but I think they are just jealous that this guy will be able to see later when they are done hauling.

Kodiak AGAIN. Boring talk about the weather. Uh oh. Running low on bait. Bill said to bait them heavy and now he is paying for it. Dead in the water according to Mike. Ok, this guy is an amateur. Seriously, bait heavy all the way out there when you have a deadline 5 days out? WTF? Is he going to ask Johnathan for bait as well as his prime spot? Booo!

On the Northwestern Jake H talks to Dad and bro Josh for his B-day. He talks about how the CM is an easier boat to work. Also, his bro misses him and makes him think about their relationship. Meanwhile, Jake H is making breakfast for the NW crew in rolling seas and with Edgar critiquing his cooking...and pranking him by turning off the power. he he he He is breaking things and his scrambled eggs end up on the floor after a big roll. Edgar takes pity and turns back on the power in time for the crew to come in. After they are done, Jake H fesses up that he kinda spit a little tobacco juice "just on the cutting board." BWAHHAAHHH!

yay! Phil and the CM. I want to know how Jake A gets coke on the boat. He always looks like he is totally tweaking out. boo! The first pot is about a zero. Not looking good. Many, the next is no better. I HATE this. I want Phil's last season to be a good one. Looks like the spot that was good a few days ago ended up barren quickly.

Ah! It's my fave whiner. The Wizard is hauling big numbers on this string finally. One thing I do like about the gus on the deck is the talk over the crab table. They are really running low on bait. They need to recycle the bait and I have a feeling that if Keith finds out...there will be whining.

Back to the Wizard after the break. I think this means that Keith is about to find out about the bait situation. Totally out of cod. IF the pots are full, Keith does not have to know but if they are not....AND...that pots are big ole zilches. ooooo not looking good. Dun dun dun. He is getting it...He just said 'cod crisis'. He is going on deck to yell. He told them to 'bait heavy' when you bait heavy you are going to run out of bait moron. Then he goes off on his brother for 'mouthing off'. This guys really needs to be taken down SOOOO many more notches than Jonathan did in week one. He just pisses me off.

CM is hitting untested grounds. It's dark and a LONG beep tells me Phil is spitting out the expletives in a long line. But...the pots look ok! They are starting to increase in numbers. Jake A requests a hook throw from Freddy. He gets it on his first throw. Phil, being the wise guy he is, hits the nail on the head, Jake tries REALLY hard to be one of the guys, one of the crab fishermen. Phil says she doesn't blame him but I think he gets it. Jake continues to do well but does end up missing one. Phil encourages him to go back to the rail and continue. he again does really well. They guys congratulate his good work. I think this time on the CM was good for Jake A. He obviously is a soft hearted guy and the guys on the CM are just as apt to prank you but I think they did Jake A some good. The Norwegians on the Northwestern are colder it seems, even with Edgar showing a soft side when it comes to his wife and kids. I think Jake A needed some building up. Phil is looking forward to getting HIS Jake back though and talks about how much he likes having his kids with him on the boat. Seriously, I am tearing up a little.

Back on the CM and Northwestern they are planning on trading the Jakes back. They are talking about throwing them in the water in survival suits to pick them up. The CM guys talk about how Jake A did a really good job. Jake A said he feels like a deckhand as opposed to a slave on the Northwestern. Jake H thinks about why he was sent to the NW as he runs the boat on wheel duty. He thinks that his dad sent him to the NW to make him a better leader. He also knows how good he has it on the CM and that he was pretty cocky. Jake A really liked his time on the CM. The guys made him feel like part of the team instead of the outsider that he is treated as on the Northwestern. He feels like all they do on the Northwestern is kick him when he is down. If I didn't agree I might think he was whining and call him on it but he really did seem to blossom (sorry about the term but it fits) on the CM.

In summary, I am not sure exactly why Keith has not gotten it through his thick head why his crew does not want to communicate with him. He is an idiot. He told them to bait heavily, he had to know they would run out. I am not sure where he gets off treating his brother the way he does. I know he's the captain but Monty has been fishing just as long. Again, idiot. I thought that the Jakes were going to switch but I guess we'll have to wait for next week. I worry that since Jake A saw that not all boats are like the Northwestern in that they don't all 'kick the dead dog' that he might change his mind about fishing and or the boat he is on. Kodiak, still not sure about that guy.

It's So Hard to Say Goodbye

2010-04-26T14:45:00.003-04:00

I am one of those people who fall for inanimate objects. When I was about seven, I bought a stuffed animal at The Christmas Tree Shops solely because it had a defect. There were a ton in the bin and I was so worried that no one would take the little kitty home and it would end up in a dumpster somewhere. I slept with that kitty for a very long time. I remembered feeling like I had done a good deed.

I have not come very far. Don't worry, I am not a hoarder or anything. I generally stay away from stuffed animals (although I do have a collection of Beanie Babies I cannot bring myself to get rid of) and other similar things. I started giving some of the animals to the dogs but they like to rip them up so a little piece of my heart goes when I hear a seam tear or find a pile of fluff in the living room. Anyway, I did have a moment of heartbreak this weekend in the same genre. I got a new car which meant I was leaving the old one behind.

This was the first car I ever actually OWNED. We actually had the title in our hot little hands for awhile. It was the first car I felt I had complete control over when making the decision what to get. I loved my car and took care of it. It had a 'Woof" sticker, a "mutt" magnet and an "AXA" sticker for Anguilla (very unique). I was not ready to let it go this weekend. I really thought I would just get it fixed and I'd be on my merry way. Well, six hours later after working the numbers I had a new car. I never got the chance to say goodbye to my Pilot or prepare myself for giving him up. I just had to clear him out and take off my 'Mutt' magnet, leaving the stickers and hand over my keys. At one point I even felt like we were stealing a dead man's wallet as we removed the wheel locks to put on the new car.

We sat by the window and finished up the paperwork. I looked outside wistfully at my car and hoped that after a a paint job and an alignment fix that the next person would like him as much as I did.

I am teary-eyed. Yes, I am that person.

(it's the silver one all the way to the left *snif*)

Did You Know?

2010-04-23T15:22:00.001-04:00

If you hit a curb real hard like your coffee will spill all over you and the alignment on your car will go all out of whack?

Um, yeah. It does.

Friday Flashback Will Be Back Next Week...

Unless I am broke and working the corner for money to fix my car.

Writers Workshop Thursday - Happy Sheep!

2010-04-22T08:46:00.000-04:00

I am not going to lie to you. The reason I picked a topic about 'joy in the moment' is because it is hard for me to find. I am pessimistic...I like to call it very realistic but P and others just shake their heads at me. I am working on it...occasionally...

I can find joy when I look for it but I have to REALLY look sometimes.

There is something small that I find joy in every time I see it.

I pass a farm driving to and from the office and with the spring come these.

There is really not much cuter than baby sheep. Have you ever watched them? Their joy is contagious. As I am driving along, I actually hope for a red light so I can stop and watch them cavort in the field. When they were first let outside with their mamas they were a little timid. They stuck close to their milk supply and looked around a little. As days went by they started noticing other little sheep their size. Then they started playing with each other, not in groups but a couple would get together and start jumping around on their still wobbly legs. You could feel their joy in just being alive. And they are so white, they almost sparkle! I think if it were dark they would twinkle.

A few weeks go by and all of a sudden they have formed a posse and are tearing around the field together. No worries, no cares. For some reason the 30 seconds I get to watch this, opens my heart and clears the clutter from my head. There is sincere joy in that sheep field and I got to experience it for a moment. That is a treasure.

Re Cap Deadliest Catch - Breakin' Em In

2010-04-21T09:00:00.001-04:00

Looks like this week the arguing between family members might be a point. At least that is what the intro said. The weather looks like it is about to turn as well.

We start out with the Cornelia Marie grinding it out. It's not looking good at the moment and we are reminded that Phil has been out of the game for 22 months because of the blood clot he had. So, we move to Freddie the Samoan deck hand eating some raw fish to appease the crab gods. He then convinces Jake A, the puppy dog, to do the same. I think he'd jump overboard if someone told him to. The offering seems to help though and the crab starts rolling in and we are treated to Freddy drinking the blood of cod as a thank you to the gods.

Next up, the Wizard. Looks like they are getting ready to haul. The Greenhorn is in a good deal of pain from the muscles in his hands. The guys are giving him really hard time. "Consistently full is what we are looking for, but consistency will do." is what Keith says. What the hell does that mean? You can have one crab a pot and that's ok? Fortunately, Keith starts to haul good pots but that means the greenhorn has to move quick to get the bait done. He is getting a lot of crap from the crew. Keith pontificates that if you are the greenhorn you have to suck it up. If you can't move your fingers I think maybe there is a problem. Do these guys remember what their first season was at all?

CM starts out and they are hauling 60 averages. Pretty good but then need 30K lbs more. They get it and head to St Paul to offload the first run.

Time Bandit is in the storm. They are about to test a hunch. A spot that they have hit 2 years in a row. They are pushing it with a third. Hopefully Karma will not bite him now for the Kieth thing from the first episode. The first pot is all but empty, second as well. Not looking good. Jonathan does not seem too upset. He says its part of the job. Commercial.

Time Bandit continuing to haul blank pots but spot finally what they are looking for scallops in the pots, crab food! The next pot is full. They hit the area and are hauling in the crab.

Next up, Kodiak is ready to start hauling in pots. Bill hasn't pulled pots in 5 years. Russ talks about playing the game. They haul up a pot of crab but they are all females and small. This trend continues and he is not happy with the pace of the deck hands. It's hard to tell if they really are slow of he is just pissed off. A second knot comes untied and a pot falls again, just like last week. Someone is going to die on this boat. Not a great start to the season.

We come back to the Northwestern. Jake H is going to be on the rail. Here comes the first pot...zippo. The storm is hitting them now and they continue to haul in 40 knot winds. Sig takes Jake off the rail and doesn't like being treated like someone's kid rather than just a deckhand. Sig and Edgar start getting into it. Edgar is complaining that Sig needs to stop crossing into his territory, the deck. Sig is pissed and acting like a child. That is pretty much par for the course. He is a control freak but I can appreciate that because I am one as well.

Time Bandit is on the crab and putting all his pots on the scallop beds. Andy heads down to help with all the crab in the high seas. Waves are crashing over the sides and there is lots of creaking and Andy gets swept across the deck. He is ok but it was a really close call.

Northwestern. Sig and Edgar are still battling. Sig is still arguing over this trivial thing and picking at it and complaining that Edgar needs to be in the wheel house understanding what is going on up there. He doesn't want to. He feels like he is getting to the end of it. Sig accuses him of being miserable and infecting the crew. It seems that Sig doesn't even realize that Edgar is ready to walk away. Edgar at the end holds up pics of his family saying "This is what is important, this, this and this. Not a crab pot." as he points to his pictures. I think I am in love with Edgar.

I think we are ending with the Kodiak tonight. They had a horrible start and are looking for anything at this point. Bill calls into Jonathan on the Time Bandit for some help. It sounds like Jonathan lets him in on his area a bit but hopefully it will pay off. Problem is, they are running very low on bait. Now, they need to set cod pots to replenish their bait. Bill seems to be really pissed off at the point. One of the deck hands is trying to explain why the cod pots were not ready. It seems to me the deckhand was right but Bill went off anyway seeming to cover his mistake with more yelling. The deckhand seems to cower under the captain and that is really odd. I mean he didn't even really stand up to the captain. Stupid Russ Newberry takes the captains side and makes a remark about if it was the 1700's someone would be getting keelhauled. SHUT UP RUSS!

In summary, looks like we are into the season. The Hansons on the Northwestern are having brother issues and are not communicating. Wild Bill on the Kodiak is no longer ok in my book. I think he needs some Xanax. Keith pontificates again and it annoys me. See you next week!

Deadliest Catch Recap - Season Premiere

2010-04-20T18:46:00.003-04:00

I am a huge fan of this show. I have been watching it from the beginning so this post might just really be for me. If you like the show. Good! If not, I'll be back tomorrow with something else.

I am finally getting a chance to watch the first episode of the season. It will be bittersweet as I was very upset when Phil Harris passed. He was my favorite and always will be. They show a good deal of him in the intro and I am glad because I miss him and they got some great shots.

We open with Jake and Josh Harris going at it. I love these brothers. They fight like cats and dogs but they are family and you can see it. Josh, though, was talking about the possibility of switching boats because he couldn't stand working with his younger brother. Cut to the Northwestern where Jake (jeez, two Jakes, um, this is Jake A.) is asking about running the boat. Sig seems to think he is getting a bit ahead of himself.

Keith on the Wizard is puffed up and mugging for the camera. It is SOOOOO obvious. He is making fun of the new greenhorn asking how long his rap sheet is and says he looks like he just came out of the joint. Jackass. It is funny because Keith asks another crew member how many greenhorns they've gone through. He wonders why...Really?

On the Time Bandit Jonathan and Andy ask crew member Eddie what Keith was talking him up at the bar about. Eddy reveals that Keith asked if he wanted to work on a real boat. Needless to say Jonathan is pissed and is itching for a fight. Looks like he'll get his chance at the Captains get together in the old skeleton of a ship on the beach.

At the meeting, all are present except Jonathan who is in his truck on the way. When he arrives, he doesn't waste much time getting into it with Keith who of course denies trying to steal Jonathan's crew members. Now, I dislike Keith. He is a baby and he is a backstabber. I have seeing it over the years. BUT, Jonathan dealt a low blow when he said something about "killing your brother" which basically references something that happened last season when Monty, Keith's brother, got very badly hurt. There was a push ended up with Keith on his ass. In my opinion, where he belonged just because he is Keith. Keith jumps up and starts calling Jonathan "Suckerpunch" Hilstrand. Too freaking hilarious. He was like a little girl. Jonathan didn't even hit him. Someone call the whaaambulance. The rest of the captains actually look a little startled at the altercation. I have to say, I wonder if is was slightly contrived. It might have been but I kind of don't care, again, I don't like Keith.

Back at the docks, Sig and Phil are chatting about the two Jakes. They are cooking something up, it's obvious. What you find out it's that THEY ARE TRADING JAKES! Whaaaa?

Cut to Keith whining about last night. Keith kind of eludes that maybe he DID talk to Eddie and "offer advice" but no code was broken. Hmmmm.... He also says "I was attacked physically and I was man enough not to do anything." Um, yeah Keith, you were ON YOUR ASS and Phil stepped between you and Jonathan. What an ass.

Next day, boats pull out and begin the season. Keith pontificating. SHUT UP! Oh he is going to annoy me this year to no end.

On the Northwestern, Jake H is signing paperwork and being told to forget everything he has ever learned. Then he is forced to do the biting the head of the herring for a good season. Jake H seems to be doing well till he gets hit with a door but he's ok.

On the Cornelia Marie Jake A is stuck baiting. It seems a little more relaxed on the CM side for Jake A and he seems to be getting along with people well. His puppy dog "please like me" 'tude might become a problem when the crew gets tired.

After the break, we see the Wild Card of the season, Wild Bill of the Kodiak. He's got the distinct pleasure of having ex Time Bandit and ex Wizard crewman, Russ Newberry. The reason that he got kicked off the Wizard, he is like Keith. Another annoying man. Bill seems like an interesting guy. Right off the bat though, you see that the combo of vets and greenhorns on his boat could be a problem as a pot comes off the hook and would have killed someone had they been a little closer to the rail.

CM starts hauling prospect pots. The first few are not so hot then they get into it which is good for Phil. Everyone is happy. Then Jake A falls into a crab tank. he he.

Phil, Jonathan, Andy and Sig comment on the perfect weather and in captain style the immediately are worried that they will pay for it. Jonathan calls the Bering Sea Lake Titticaca and Andy says that if this is global warming he likes it. Now whether it is editing or it really happened this way but the Coast Guard sends out a PON PON for the Carly Renee, a vessel taking on water. The vessel Guardian is able to respond and someone on the boat with a camera phone records what happens. All four crewmen are rescued. This is the first time we have seen a happy ending in a boat sinking on this show and it made me happy to see how the fishermen look after each other. The crew members of the Guardian and the Carly Renee talk about just that. Then it cuts to them looking at the sunken boat and you can see that they are holding back tears.

Good start to the season. In summary, a Jake swap, Keith is a girl and I miss Phil.

How Could this Have Happened?

2010-04-20T13:23:00.001-04:00

I usually try very hard not to do two negative posts in a row but the anger and sorrow and almost shame I feel being a human right now is about to make me physically ill.

Ban on Dog Fighting Videos Struck Down in Supreme Court

I have two rescue dogs. I treat them like my children in my heart but I know they are dogs and they are treated like dogs because it would be detrimental to them to treat them as humans. Let's just get that out of the way. What these videos show is absolutely horrifying. Anyone who gets pleasure from watching something like it should be sterilized immediately, i.e. taken out of the gene pool. Why? It means you are a sociopath/psychopath and will likely torture animals and move on to children and adults. That is the progression of a serial killer.

BUT

That is not my point. What these videos are showing is an illegal act in all 50 states. As I see it, murder of a human being is also illegal in all 50 states but if we were to market and sell snuff films or maybe videos of people being raped violently, I guess that would be ok.

Make no mistake, I am not equating humans and other animals, I am stating that it looks like the Supreme Court has decided that the videotaping of an illegal incident, ANY illegal incident is not illegal and people can profit from said incident. Does that make you feel good about the state of our country? It scares me to death.

Dear Neighbors

2010-04-19T09:47:00.004-04:00

Dear Neighbors,
Good morning! I hope you enjoyed that lovely weekend. I noticed several of you working hard on your curb appeal. Just beautiful. I have one favor to ask. I know we all want our lawn that perfect shade of rich green that really is not actually attainable in nature but being in the suburbs it is beaten into us that our lawn must be perfect at any cost. When you or your chemical company come to treat your lawn, is it possible that you keep the weed killing poison, scary genetically modified lawn food off the sidewalk? I mean, there is not grass ON the side walk and you are technically wasting all those chemicals when you could be using them in your backyard or something. For me, I don't want my dogs walking on it and I don't want it on the bottom of my shoes, being tracked into the house. I am pretty sure anyone with kids doesn't want that either. You see, if you look on the bag of most brands of lawn treatment it tells you in bold letters that kids and pets should not be near it and that it is a poison of sorts.

So, I'll make a deal with you. You stop spreading that crap on the sidewalk (I know this is possible because we have a spreader too, just use the guard on it) and I will continue to pick my dog's crap off the curb side of your lawn. If you hold up your end of the bargain, great. If not G-dog and M-dog will be leaving presents for you that your lawn chemicals can do nothing about.

Have a wonderful day!

Friday High School Flashback

2010-04-16T10:47:00.004-04:00

I have a treasure. It is in a shoebox. I thought I lost this treasure long ago, actually around the time I started this blog. This box holds all the information that was so extremely important in high school that is was passed in interesting shapes; footballs and squares and triangles, a origami-like configuration if you will. They are high school notes. The notes you wrote in class with information that was much more important than whatever any teacher was saying. Words that needed to be said over life and death matters such as, who was riding with who to where, if you saw someone in the Plaza or the Court or if that guy that just broke your heart is showing any remorse what so ever.
Ahem...

Today's first installment is from my good friend Pauline (Bean) to me (Zuppie). We are talking about a birthday party and I think prom shoes. I have erased a little bit and also I must tell you, those drawings at the bottom of the second page they are not what you think, they are SOCK PUPPETS. :) Click on the image to see the full size, no crazy viruses, don't worry. This first one is a pretty tame one. Once I get the ok from the rest of my friends, there will be others that will make you laugh till you cry...or at least ask me what the inside jokes are about...like sock puppets.

Since this is the first time I am doing this. There might be a trial and error period. Bear with me.

Writers Workshop Thursday - Cigars, Graph Paper, Grape Bubble Yum and Number 2 Pencils

2010-04-15T08:00:00.000-04:00

When I was little, I always associated the smell of a cigar with my Grampy (Mom's Dad). It made me think of all the wonderful things at my Grandparent's home and how much I loved being there. Now that my father has passed, it more reminds me of how much I miss my Dad. I can see him standing in the garage or on the deck relaxing with a cheap El Producto or enjoying something a little nicer with the boys on the deck at the cape, maybe a Hampton Court or a smuggled Cuban. Dad would stare into space and daydream and relax when he smoked a cigar. I think maybe he was thinking of golf or Puerto Rico or maybe just the beach at the Cape. Dad found relaxing difficult so this memory is really one I treasure. That smell can bring tears to my eyes at the drop of ash.

My Dad was a Chemical Engineer, one of the top in his field of Environmental Consulting. I am not bragging, it is a fact and I have the documentation to prove it. He was incredibly detail oriented but had a difficult time with change. He had a calculator from the late 60's that he used until it died completely. He was also not completely trusting of computers. I think he could have become more of a techy guy had he had the chance. He kept extremely detailed notes on all his projects. His writing was all capital letters but he made the letters that were supposed to be lowercase smaller that the ones that were uppercase. I envied his writing because it seemed to flow so well. Every word was so perfectly legible (unlike my handwriting today). He almost always kept his notes on graph paper. I thought it was the coolest thing. Later in life, I would realize just how important all those notes were. My writing never looked as good on graph paper but I still buy it sometimes just to see.

I remember at a very early age not understanding why I could not have the awesome smelling grape Bubble Yum my Dad used to get. The pieces were HUGE compared to those little piddly Trident pieces. The smell of that artificial grape and sugar was mesmerizing. Sometimes Dad would let me have half a piece. I could feel the sugar in between my teeth and the gorgeous fake grape flavor wash over my mouth. Then I would try to blow a bubble and the gum would fall out of my mouth.

According to the company my Dad worked for, he used a lot of pencils; Dixon Ticonderoga number 2 pencils to be exact. He seemed to go through a lot of them in September when his girls started school for the year and about the time those girls too k their SATs. I am not sure how they never put 2 and 2 together considering all his detailed notes were in fine point black pen. These days, they'd dock his paycheck for it.

While these four items, cigars, graph paper, bubble gum and pencils may seem like an odd combination, I can tell you who my Dad was based on them. My Dad was contemplative when he felt he could be. His job was very stressful and when he had a cigar, he was allowing himself to relax and think of golfing or Puerto Rico. He was extremely detail oriented, maybe to a fault at times. Although he was an amazing person, I think he was always driven to a certain perfection. It might have been OCD had he allowed himself to think there was anything wrong with the details. He still had playfulness in him although you rarely saw it. I think the grape gum was part of that. The pencils, well. Mom never asked him to do that. He just brought them home for us. As a result, I appreciate a well sharpened, yellow number 2 pencil.

I am a lot like my Dad. Some think there is a bit of fault in this as I have trouble with my emotions and I stress myself out more than I should. But when I look at the items above, I see the good things I picked up; remember to daydream, there is calmness in the details, don't forget that kid inside and remember to pick up pencils (or ice cream) for those you love.

Martini's and the Salad Bar...A Flexitarian's Dinner

2010-04-14T12:47:00.005-04:00

So, before my hiatus...that is what I am officially calling it now ("Just being lazy" doesn't sound as cool) I was really getting into the whole food thing. I am still right there and although some rules I have relaxed a bit (I will buy bananas and clementines because I need them) there are others I have increased. I rarely eat red meat anymore. If I know there is an event where I will eat it (if my Aunt and Uncle, wonderful cooks that they are, prepare lamb on Easter, I am going to have a little), I prepare for it by eating veg as much as possible beforehand. Why? In my crazy head it balances out. I will not eat any type of meat at a restaurant (or at home) unless I know where it came from and what conditions are of that place it came from (grass fed beef, free range chicken, sustainable fish, etc). That is pretty easy considering the pro-local restaurants, farmers markets, etc. around here. It gets hard when you have very good friends that you have not hung out with in a long time and they want to go to a red meat Mecca. Do you know of what I speak? It is called the Brazilian Steakhouse.

Meat item after meat item is brought around to your tables. If your coaster is on the green side, they put meat on your plate until you turn it to the red side. It is CRAZY! I went to one for my brother's birthday before I started making all these rules for myself and I couldn't keep up then. Now, I am not sure what to do. I have been researching my options. I could just go for the salad bar which is ANYTHING but just salad. I could find out more about where the meat comes from but...at those prices...I am going to bet it is not a pretty pasture with lots of nice green grass and babbling brooks for the cows. My last option and it seems like a good one, eat before and drink my weight in martini's. Ok, no, with my track record, not a good idea.

Hopefully, I'll figure it out before we go. I'll get good natured teasing about my eating habits from good friends whose company will more than make up for the fact that I will probably be eating from the salad bar...

...and possibly still drinking at least a small child's weight in martini's

...oh and dessert.

Brownie

2010-04-13T13:18:00.006-04:00

Since I don't have a list of things to blog about I am going to have to blog about what it plaguing my mind right at this moment. Right at this very moment, I am having a nice cup of coffee and there is a RAGING battle going on in my head. You see, the deli downstairs has these brownies. These are not just ANY brownies. These brownies are dark chocolate with chocolate pieces AND, the BEST part...a thick peanut butter swirl. I am almost dizzy thinking about it. I WANT ONE.

Commercial Interruption: I lost 40lbs this year on WW. I have about 10 more to go. I am SCARED to FREAKING death that I will gain it back like I did the last time when I lost 30lbs. I am better prepared this time as I did not nor do I eat fake food. I ate regular food, no fat free cheese or Lean Cuisines or fat free cookies. I did eat cookies and brownies now and again. I am human after all no matter what my husband tells you. Back to the post with you.

My brain is amazing at playing both sides of this. On one side, it will say "You are working tonight. You'll be on your feet for hours at Lottery Yarn. You'll probably burn most of it off." The other side says things like, "Did you see that scale this morning?" or "So how was that run you flaked on this morning? Hmmm?" GAAAA! It's a wonder I don't have a split personality. They will go back and forth on this for the next hour and fifteen minutes (the deli closes in an hour and 15 minutes).

My brain will then try to make deals with the other half in that if we go get said brownie, it will be the only one this week, you'll run in the morning, you'll not buy anymore Florentine (Crack) Confections from Whole Foods (it is crack by the way, in the manner of sunflower seed brittle) to put on your Stonyfield fat-free frozen yogurt.

Sometimes they strike a deal and have me walk down to the deli in a daze where I will paw at the basket of brownies, looking for the:

1. One with the most PB
2. Softest
3. Largest

in that order. I will take it back upstairs, warm it in the microwave for 10 seconds then drink my coffee with said brownie. I will be in chocolate/peanut butter heaven...for about 20 minutes and then it will hit me.

WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST EAT!?

That part of my brain must have been sleeping while the deal went down because then it gets all guilt-trippy on me, "What about how hard you've worked this year?" and "Do you know how long it will take to get that out of your system?" I'll hang my head and feel down for about 24 hours...about the same time the next day when some part of my brain will pipe up:

"Hey, you think there are brownies down there today?"

Update: Deli is closed for the day...no brownies were consumed. One battle won. :)

A 5K Virgin No More

2010-04-12T08:00:00.002-04:00

So after one failed attempt at Couch to 5K (C25K) a few years ago to now when I have been running 30 - 40 minutes 3 times a week (on a good week) I finally decided it was time. Time for an actual 5K race. I had a few false starts. Last year I was thinking about doing it for this particular race and volunteered instead but this year, I had no excuse. I was a novice runner needed to get past the race fear.

What was I afraid of? Mostly looking like an ass who decided to run a race but went too fast too soon and ended up walking most of it. I was also worried that I'd get a cramp because I had to work at Lottery Yarn the night before (RANT WARNING: and even though I came in early as a favor to teach a class, I was not told for sure if I could leave at 9pm, store closing time, and instead had to wait it out to see if I could leave and as a result, not get my break, meaning no dinner just a Luna Bar in the car on the way home). I also was worried I'd come in dead last. The last one was unfounded as I checked the site to see what the longest times were and I was positive I could beat at least them.

I had friends running the same race (David's Run) as it is for a foundation run by one of my best friends in her brothers memory. Anyway, one of my friends told me to take is really slow in the beginning because it was an uphill finish. So I did but when I got to the first mile marker I was WAY below my usual pace. I knew that if I picked it up too much that I would die on the uphill portions. So, I ended up with a slower than anticipated time but...I FINISHED! I finished and did not fall over at the end. I recovered quickly and felt like I could accomplish just about anything that day. :) I guess that is why runners run. I do it because I like to eat, let's be honest.

Now I am at home and as a result of the Manhattan Bagels that I consumed after said race, I want a big ole' nap. That is something I learned, the endorphins are short lived. :)

This is a pic of me and 'the girls'. I am the one with the number.

Misdirected and Unrequited Love

2010-04-09T08:49:00.000-04:00

So I am leaving the mall yesterday and as I am pulling out onto the turnpike, I notice there is a note on my windshield. I had not been in the mall more than an hour and I know it wasn't there when I left the parking garage at work. I was going to leave it there until I got off at my exit but I started thinking about what it could possibly be. I could tell that it was a lengthy note on small paper. I didn't remember seeing any damage to my car when I got in so I didn't think it was an "I hit your car" note. I was actually trying to read it, while folded up under my wiperblade. I am not sure which is more dangerous, that or texting while driving.

Curiosity got the better of me and I pulled over to remove it from the windshield. It was starting to flap a bit anyway. So it turns out it was a note from a girl named Melissa to a guy named Kevin. I guess Kevin has a beanie baby on his console too. Anyway, it was an 'I want you back' type note. What is crazy is how much I learned from these people on 3 sheets of 4x6 paper.

It seems that they were an on again off again couple and she broke it off the most recent time. They have a child together and were living together as well. There was a 'You complete me' line in there that made me about retch on my dash as I was driving. Supposedly he is now in love with someone else but this girl Melissa wants Kevin back. She is really hurt that he could find someone else and fall in love so quickly. I surmised at this point that they must be kinda young/immature because of the line and the falling in love so fast stuff. Anyway, in an interesting turn of events at the end of the note she tells him to STAY CLEAN for his daughter. So now we have addition thrown into the mix.

I feel pretty bad about having this note because she clearly is looking for some type of answer from this guy but she picked the wrong car on which to place her note. I put myself in her shoes and thought about what would happen if that was me and I was waiting for some answer from the man I loved, the father of my child. (It was hard to do this b/c I would have been SO much smarter about it. I'd have actually looked at the stuff in the car and the license plate, etc to make sure it was his car.) I am guessing that she is going to be pretty hurt and angry when she doesn't hear anything. I mean they DO have a kid in common. It's not like the note is not going to come up and she'll just assume he is blowing her off. She'll confront him and he'll not know what she is talking about and think she is crazy and she'll think he's lying to avoid the subject. The scenario I have in my head is not good and it kinda makes me sad.

The note is still in my car. I thought about taking it back to the mall and leaving it close to where my car was but then I realized something. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe he was not meant to get that note and the next thing that happens IS the right thing. Maybe she lets it go and he stays happy in love with someone else and that is the best thing. If I interfered, I might screw things up. Maybe this way is better for the kid and she'll grow up stronger and happier not having her parents constantly breaking up and getting back together. It might make her relationships stronger. Or what if she is so mad that she decides to do something to his/my car when she sees it at the mall again.

Or I could just be over thinking this SO badly that I will have bad dreams about it. Now that would suck.

Writer's Workshop - Love At First Sight

2010-04-08T13:32:00.003-04:00

It is easy for me to fall in love with a book. I have done it many more times than I can count. I keep some of the most special ones close by so that I may grab one and lose myself for a little while whenever I need a break. There are some books I can open at any page and instantly sink into a different time and or place. Sometimes I search for specific chapters or passages just because I need the words wrapped around my like a favorite blanket.

The first book I ever fell in love with was a book called 'Cape Cod Summer' by Eleanor Early. It is a book written in 1949 about Cape Cod in the summer. The most interesting part of this to me is that at a young age I appreciated the fact that this was a book of non-fiction. Ms. Early wrote this book as a type of travel guide for those who wished to visit the narrow land. She basically starts at Plymouth and moves along the Cape to the villages and gives ideas of the special things to see and do there. I think what made me fall in love with it was that even though I found this book in the 1980's, almost all the things that Eleanor wrote about were the things I loved about the Cape but she wrote about them over 30 years earlier.

Ms. Early wrote about the beaches and the views, the harbors and the people. She was not writing about the miniature golf, the whale watches and the cheap tourist attractions. She does mention shopping but only as a warning as she expected it to be warmer the first time she traveled there and needed different clothes once she got there. Although some of the things she wrote about are gone I think 95% of them are still there now in 2010. That to me is amazing and absolutely wonderful. Scargo Tower is still there. :)

I have read other books about the Cape and the two that fall a close second to this book, 'We Chose Cape Cod' by Scott Corbett and 'The House on Nauset Marsh' by Wyman Richardson are no less dear to me. What I find interesting is that all three of these books were written in the 1940's and 1950's. They are not special to me because they are quaint and old fashioned but because they show the core of what it is to love Cape Cod. Tourist attractions come and go but the core of what Cape Cod has will always be there for those who wish to look for it. I am just very grateful that there are authors that chose to do so during that time period.

So This is How It Happened

2010-04-08T13:09:00.002-04:00

I was an avid blogger for a year. Somehow after 2008, I fell out of it and I still cannot put my finger on how. I started up again last year but fell out again. I went back through my posts and tried to figure out why. I came up with two reasons.

1. My steel trap mind is starting wear
2. I'm boring

So both those things are not the type of things I want to keep me from doing anything, let alone blogging so in order to fix one I need to fix the other.

I wasn't always boring and I used to be able to remember anything anyone said or did at the drop of a hat. I still retain my incredible skills at being able to identify little known actors and what they have done but remembering, "I need to blog about this." seems to slip out of my head all the time. So, in order to make my life more memorable. I am going to make a list of things that I want to do. It's not a bucket list or anything. It's more like, I want to learn how to make bookshelves from Knock Off Wood (seriously, run, do not walk to her site if you are not familiar and cannot get your better half to help you with projects) or I finally want to finish that quilt I started like 2 years ago. Stuff like that. Maybe I'll add in some life changing stuff but I like the idea of small stuff that I can keep up with while juggling two jobs, a husband in sales, two rambunctious doggies and not adding back the 40 pounds I managed to lose.

This will be my place to keep up. Once a week I will report on my progress. Since Kat probably still does Writers Workshop on days like today, I'll pick a different day or maybe I'll just do it when I can. Who knows, it's a new thing and I still need to make my list.

New Addition (ok...since you last heard from me)

2010-04-04T21:16:00.004-04:00

When you last heard from me, I had not yet gone on vacation. This particular vacation was to be an interesting one as we ended up leaving a day early for a very special reason.

This is M-dog. He is a rescue from down south and had been staying with a nice foster mommy in New Hampshire. We saw his video on Facebook and our hearts were stolen. We had been thinking for a long time that G-dog needed a buddy and since New Hampshire was not too far from the Cape, we decided to meet M-dog and his foster mommy halfway in between the Cape and her home. We found a state park where we could all take a walk together. This pic is the result of that walk, we took him home on the long ride back to PA.

M-dog was a sweetie right off the bat. He played with G-dog and liked to cuddle (something G-dog had never been fond of, Miss Independent). He was a tad possessive with his food but only to grumble a bit if G-dog go to close to the bowl. We met other doggies and went to the dog park. Finally the day came when we decided to introduce him to my brother's dog. That was when things started to go downhill...

To be fair, we were the one at fault here. We did this ALL wrong from the moment we brought M-dog back. We should have slowly socialized him instead of assuming that all was hunky dory. You see, we saw very quickly that Morgan had fear aggression towards larger dogs and Gatsby was a MUCH larger dog. The growling, snarling and jumping around that happened when M-dog met Gatsby was very scary. This was horrible news for us as we used to spend many long days together, Gatsby, G-dog and the rest of my family. We never even thought for one moment that there would possibly be a problem with M-dog and Gatsby. It gets worse though. After that confrontation, he started to have problems with other large dogs at the dog park and then smaller dogs. We had no idea what changed in our happy wiggly boy. He and G-dog still got along well even if he was a bit of a bully and he adored us. We felt like we broke our dog. :(

Our salvation was in Carol Siegrist. We took a class specifically for 'reactive' dogs. She gave us tools to help M-dog not to be so crazy around other dogs and he LOVED the attention of getting to go to class with me and P and get lots of treats. We are still working with him but he has come such a long way.

We wonder what might have happened to this sweet guy if he'd gotten with people that were not willing to put the time and effort in to him. It happens every day. People get a dog, they don't work with it and when it doesn't read their mind, they dump it. It breaks my heart daily. If you are considering getting a dog, please consider adoption. We are a rare case. Usually, when you adopt locally, especially with a rescue group, you can have many meetings to make sure all is ok between you and the dog and your surroundings. You also have a local support network if problems arise. We adopted M-dog on the spot and hoped it would be ok and, you know what, 95% of the time it is ok. It's actually wonderful. All I have to do is see an ASPCA commercial on TV, look at M-dog and G-dog and know that we saved two lives and in return, they made ours so much better.

Writers Workshop Thursday: How Do You Stave Off Boredom?

2009-06-25T09:00:00.000-04:00

Usually I eat.

Since I have been on the whole weightloss/healthier me/exercise thing I needed to find another way to keep my brain active.

I redesign the house on the Cape that we rent in my head. Crazy? Yes/no. This house is where my body stays while my soul is resting on Cape Cod. I have been staying in it since I was 8 years old. It is much loved and I have always dreamed of making it mine.

It is pretty plainly furnished, but not in a bad way. I love what is there becuase of what it is to me. I love that the bed matresses are so old that you essentially end up making a nest in them as you sleep. I love that the showerhead in the bathroom is not a low flow one and can pummel your back into massage-like bliss. I love that the sun streams into the dining area in the afternoon bathing the table in watery, relaxing rays.

It I think about the things I would change and then sometimes, change back, not wanting to ruin the feel of the place. I could never change the seagrass rugs or the little desk in the 'office' room. I would keep the Julia Child-like pegboad where all the pots and pans hang along with spatulas and measuring spoons. I would however buy new knives.

Before I know it, I have whiled away an hour, dreaming and placing and relaxing. This is an exercise that I love and one that I think I will always have.

A Green Bean Spit at Me

2009-06-23T16:16:00.003-04:00

Seriously. I don't think it was all to happy to be in that boiling water. I bet it liked it even less when after the blanching it got thrown into a sautee pan.

I wrote a phrase today that made me think a little bit the rest of the day. "It's so great when my love of food works with me instead of against me."

Yesterday I picked up my farm share and went into 'what is this and what do I do with it' mode. Yesterday it all clicked. We had turkey burgers with green beans and almonds and a big salad. The lettuce in the salad was crazy fresh and tasted of spring. All it needed was some craisins and a little vinaigrette. I also got some rainbow chard and beets. I promptly chopped up the chard and the greens from the beats and sauteed that in olive oil and garlic and then added left over brown rice, saving it for this evening's feast.

Last night I prepared a Chicken Tikka marinade, using homemade yogurt no less. It is in the fridge waiting for the grill. I still have garlic scapes that are new to me but dying to use and a few small beats and potatoes that I want to roast so badly I don't think I'd even mind the heat of the oven in the humid weather.

Usually my love of food gets me into trouble. I like my cheese. I also like butter and a heavy handed olive oil pour. It just sees like the fresher the food, the less I have to do to it. I am grateful for the veggies every week. I am grateful for the leafy greens that are turning me into a rabbit because as soon I get used to these wonderful things, they will be gone. Replaced by tomatoes and zucchini. Bittersweet.

Where Does Time Go?

2009-06-18T19:32:00.003-04:00

I think about this a lot. It's funny that I chose to write about this topic when I have a digital timer next to me counting down the minutes 'till I am supposed to take the rice off the heat. I think about how much time I spend doing things I don't want to do and during those times I am thinking about things I want to do. For instance, there was laundry to be folded when I got home, laundry to be started, dinner to be prepped. There is a huge list and I can't ever figure out why it is that I don't have the time to do the things I was thinking about while I was folding laundry and chopping broccoli (insert music "Choppin' brocoli-he, choppin' broccolee. She was choppin' broccoleee!" must be an SNL fan from the good times for that reference).

People tell you that you need to 'make' time. What the hell does that mean, make time? Time is just there, you have a certain amount and it continually marches on (across your face if you are a woman, yes Steel Magnolias). It seems like other people have the time to do stuff besides house stuff. What are their ingredients for 'made time'? Do they have a spouse who knows how to empty a dishwasher or fold laundry without begging? Is it one cup helpful mate, 1/2 a cup of no one is coming over this weekend let the vacuuming go, a pinch of less control freak and a dab of JUST LET GO? What are your ingredients for made time? I need to know because according to my timer, I have a few precious minutes before I have to leave this blog and make dinner.

Jeez, This Thing Needs Work

2009-06-16T21:46:00.002-04:00

Apparently, BlogHer no longer graces my blog with their ads and that has f-ed up my layout. Probably something I should look into but considering I have neglected my blog for about 3 months, it's probably not what will happen right at this moment.

Right now, I have time to eck out a few words. I don't know if I will have time tomorrow. I am still here, I am still thinking about writing but all the "small stuff" is being so sweated over these days that it makes it difficult to type. I keep shorting out keyboards.

So Is This What People Do Instead of Watching TV?

2009-03-24T14:36:00.004-04:00

Lost night I made mini-cupcakes...70 of them. Homemade. Homemade butter cream frosting. Four different colors.

No I did not suddenly spring a 1st grader from my loins. They are for a Lottery Yarn function this evening. When I was asked to make a dessert for this class the cover of MS Living from February sprang to mind. I mean they are mini cupcakes. How hard could that be? I'll tell you...easy. The hard part...time consuming.

You see, during my recent hibernation, I have watched just about every old episode of NCIS. For some reason it became my favorite show. This is a sign that I am depressed, I watch too much meaningless TV. (I still like the show but how many times do I need to see the "Dead Man Walking" episode, really?) I watched my Dad do it and somehow I seem to slip into the very same habits as he did when he had his bouts of depression. I think one of my lobes is technically jelly now because I have been so attached to the TV.

Anyway, when I realized how stressed I was about the time consuming nature of said cupcakes because another show was on that I wanted to see is when it hit me, I have a problem. I am missing out on way too much by plopping in front of the boob tube to watch Mark Harmon slap Michael Weatherly on the back of the head. It was then I decided to not watch any TV that night, no matter when I was finished. I took my time, playing with colors and swirling the frosting on each mini cupcake. When I was done, it all looked so cute and pretty. It was about 3 and a half hours of work but I made something tasty and pretty. It was a pretty good feeling.

I guess what I am trying to get at is, I need to lift my head up to fully move out of my March crud and into the spring. There is too much out there to do to spend my life with my head down.

Small Grrr: Warming Up the Car

2009-03-20T11:01:00.002-04:00

This has bothered me for quite some time. I live in Southeastern PA. We are not living on the frozen tundra nor are we living in a place that even resembles one. So please tell me why if you don't have an infant or a sick child or an elderly infirm person getting into your car at 7:00am do you feel the need to 'warm up' your car?

Today it was about 40 degrees when I was out walking G-dog. Not freezing, barely cold but as I was walking by houses I saw many cars with their engines running in the driveways. I know these homes. I walk by them EVERY morning. I know they don't have elderly people or infants getting in those cars in the morning so WHY must they 'warm up' their cars EVERY DAY?

Did you know that it is illegal to have your car idling for more than 5 minutes in some states? You can be ticketed for it. Also, most car manuals will tell you NOT to do it as it does the car no good. Basically, all you are doing when you leave your car running that that is wasting gas and contributing to greenhouse gasses. I mean seriously, do these people not own coats or gloves? Is 5 minutes of cold going to kill them while the car runs as they are driving to their destination? I think not.

The next time I see this happen and it is not cold and there are no infants or elderly people in the home, I am going to leave a note on their car asking why they feel the need to do this. Maybe it will shame them into toughening up just a tiny bit.

Are You Guys New?

2009-03-17T12:55:00.002-04:00

I think it was probably the worst thing ever said to our football team.

Yes it is that time of year again. I am playing football on Saturday for the next 8 weeks. This week, however, we were handed a defeat and an insult (not meant as one) at the same time. You see we are all (ok not all) in our mid 30's. We have creaky joints, trouble waking up on the weekends and some of us could stand to do a little more exercise. We just love to play and are not ready to give up the idea that we could win a 6th championship. However, we looked like we were playing underwater this week. Afterwards, it was all we could do to crawl to the beer cooler to refresh ourselves and say that it was 'only the first game', no big deal. It was unfortunate that at this time one of our player was talking to one of the players from the opposing team and they asked, 'Is this your first season?'

Oh the SHAME!

We have played together for about 5 years and also been playing in the league for about 10. We just happened to play against a team we had never played in the years past. What do you do when you have been shamed as such? It made me think. Is this what it has come to? Should I still be playing? I admit I was pretty shaken. Then, another team needed some girls to round out their team (ok, they are required to have 3 of us). It was in the Competitive division (we play in Recreational) so it was a bit scary but we figured what the hell.

We lost there too.

BUT!

My pass completion percentage was 80%.

Maybe I'll play a few more seasons.

Climbing Out from Under the Bed

2009-03-13T12:43:00.003-04:00

There are a lot of dust bunnies under the bed and I am tired of them stealing my food.

That's not the only reason I am back. I am back I think because I need to be. I have writing in short bursts here and there. I see the humor and the insight that I thought had left me so I decided that I'd better start flexing that muscle again if I am going to take my place back in the land of the living.

Ok, the fact that it is no longer an ice box in the office anymore and the fact that someone else is taking care of G-dog today so I can write quickly in the office also helps but that's not the point.

I need to start somewhere and I think that starting here is the key. More later...I promise this time. :)

Losing The Battle

2009-02-24T10:30:00.002-05:00

I am entering into the worst part of the year for me. March looms in front of me and I know what it holds; depression, fighting, tears...

It happens every year, even when I was on meds it happened. I feel like a snake working so hard to rid myself of the old skin so that I can emerge happy, healthy and ready for anything and I just can't get it off. It gets to the point that it feels like it is suffocating and all I can do us curl into a ball and do nothing. When I get like this I can't write, I can't focus on a project and I snap at anyone who comes too close.

I can tell its coming not only because of the calendar but because I have been trying, little by little to clean up the office so that I can actually sit down and write (and maybe get back a few people that have stopped following me) and read all my favorite blogs. I just get so overwhelmed when I walk into that room. I feel like I can't move. It's getting harder and harder to spend time in there when I want it to be the exact opposite. I want it to be the room I go to to write or read. I want it to be the room that is comfortable yet orderly enough to be used as an actual office (no help from paper hoarder husband there).

I have visions of the curtains softly floating in the breeze, me at the computer a cup of tea close by and maybe some music playing in the background. Right now it's cold, papers all over one of the desks like a dirty drift of snow and the bed from the guest room because SOMEONE hasn't finished painting (5 months ago started) that particular room. Between being overwhelmed by my emotions and the chaos in that room I just want to hide under the bed.

So, please understand that if I am not blogging, it's not because I am not thinking about it...it's because I am under the bed and I don't have an internet connection there.

My Island Spin Off - What About the Kids

2009-02-16T16:42:00.004-05:00

If you are new to my blog and are unsure about "My Island" please click in the 'My Island' label at the bottom of the post. All will be explained.

On Friday I mentioned that I had a hard time sending Octo-Mom Nadya Suleman to 'My Island because of the children that would be left behind. Now I do think they would be better off with someone else but her mother is clearly not the one to care for them either. Then I thought, "What about Brit's kids and even Elizabeth's?" (I know, Liz is married but seriously.) The kids are innocents in their parents' lives, caught up in a web they did not fashion. What should be done with the children of the island inhabitants?

Where could kids go where it was happy but not over-commercialized?
Sunny days, sweepin' the clouds away.

Where could they go where is was healthy and safe?
On my way to where the air is clean!

Can you tell me how to get...how to get to

SESAME STREET!

Ok, is this not perfect? The kids would get attention from caring adults and would be able to cuddle up with furry monsters that would make them laugh daily. They would learn about things their parents don't know about like, manners and being nice to people (not depending on whether it makes God happy or not). They would learn to count with a Count and a pinball machine. They would learn a second language earlier than high school. It's a happy place but not so over the top that the kids would OD on saccharine.

From all my years watching Sesame Street there is plenty of housing in those cool brownstones and if a kid is adventurous there is a gient birds nest they can try out. All in all I think it is about the best idea I have come up with since the island so it is fitting that it is a spin off of such a place. There has to be balance in the universe and I think Sesame Street balances out My Island perfectly. :)

My Island: Fourteen Reasons Why

2009-02-13T06:00:00.002-05:00

For those of you not familiar with the "My Island" concept please refer to my older posts by clicking on the "My Island" label at the bottom of the post. There are five I believe.

The short of it is, certain people annoy me to the point that I banish them to an island where they are to live their life out among others that annoy me. There they cannot harm the rest of us with their politics, their stupidity or their general annoying nature. Here is a list of current residents:

On the island:

Ann Coulter

Rick Santorum (escaped and captured)

Brittany Spears

Amy Winehouse

Lindsay Lohan

Elisabeth Hasselbeck

My newest addition deserves to be there almost as much as Ann Coulter. Look in the dictionary under the word 'selfish' and this woman's picture will be there. She has dragged her whole family down with her and still continues to defend herself on primetime and any media outlet that gives her fifteen minutes. That's right, it's Octo-mom, Nadya Suleman.

I held off on sending her to the island for 14 reasons. Her kids. This topic "My Island" is all in good fun but when I was putting this post together I started thinking about what will happen to those kids, even if their horrible mother was around. I struggled with even sending her...until today.

Today my first assumptions about why this woman decided to turn her 'vagina into a clown car' (props to Cherlyn for that phrase) were verified. She is panhandling via the internet. Yes, the woman who said she was never on welfare or accepted government money for having all those kids is asking YOU to support them via donations on the internet (not like you aren't going end up supporting them via your taxes or anything). Oh, she also lied about the not accepting $$ from the government, she is on food stamps. Excellent. I am not providing you with the link to said site because as you bloggers know, the more traffic she gets the more $ she gets. This is what she wanted all along. She decided to have multiples to cash in on the books, reality tv and bleeding hearts. She neglected to realize that those that DO have reality tv shows, etc because of their large family sizes did not TRY to have large families in order to GET a tv reality show. She did it backwards. Oh...she is also crazier than Jim Jones but just as self-centered.

I decided that she was done. She needs to be removed from the population NOW. I am worried that she and Rick Santorum might try to start a new race so precautions will need to be taken. Rick will need to be castrated. This will be performed by Ann Coulter. She agreed to do this as long as we provided her with a newsfeed of C-SPAN and a voo doo doll. I let her also pick the method of castration.

So Nadya will be welcomed with open arms by the other crazies that are there and we will not have to watch her pimp her children out to the world anymore. I think that is just lovely.

Now...the kids. What to do with the kids. While we are on the subject, what about the other kids of the inhabitants?

Tune in Monday for my "My Island" spin off. "What About the Kids?"

On the island:

Nadya Suleman
Ann Coulter
Rick Santorum (escaped and captured and neutered)
Brittany Spears
Amy Winehouse
Lindsay Lohan
Elisabeth Hasselbeck

Warning: Island Post Tomorrow

2009-02-12T16:08:00.003-05:00

I know I have not been blogging daily and I should be flogged for it. I have been contemplating a "My Island" post but want it to be perfect so I have been putting my brain power there. I hope to have it posted tomorrow morning.

You may already know who is going but I promise there will be surprises and all around good feelings about the outcome.

This is Important

2009-02-10T13:20:00.002-05:00

What Got Cut from the Stimulus Bill

I realize that the country is split on this bill but I thought that it was important that you should know what our representatives in DC call 'fluff' or 'pork'. I will not go through the entire list because the article is pretty self explanatory. I just want you all to remember that these are things that they considered 'wasteful spending', period, not just for this bill.

$98 million for school nutrition
- I guess our kids can continue to eat preservative laden, cheap food from China.

$200 million for National Science Foundation + $100 million for science
- Well we all know how most of the conservative right feel about science.

$16 billion for school construction
- I guess we can continue to educate our children in outdated facilities. Maybe it will just make them work that much harder.

$65 million for watershed rehabilitation
- Polluted water isn't all that bad. It's not like we are going to run out of clean water.

There are some things in the bill that I agree should have been cut but this list and the things on it that should not have been cut are an indication that many of our representatives, regardless of party affiliation, don't have a clue what we need in order to make our country a better place. They are not about looking forward, they only want a quick fix. While I realize that the many view the stimulus bill as just that, a quick fix, if the money had been put into education for the future, it would have kept us on the right track for decades to come. Instead, once again, it's those that come after us that are going to suffer.

Extremely Angry

2009-02-06T09:49:00.004-05:00

This is a bit of a rant. Forgive me if it goes astray.

Please, someone explain to me how it is that one person who did something irresponsible is having things taken from them when another who was irresponsible is getting acclaim?

Who am I talking about? Michael Phelps and Nadya Suleman. Michael Phelps made a poor decision in an instant while Ms. Suleman plotted to grab media attention by having multiple children for years. She is using them to generate income and she planned to do this. Who is going to suffer from Michael Phelp's mistake? Only him. There are no children going out and buying bongs and sucking on paper towel cardboard rolls to be like him. It's just not going to happen so don't try to say he should lose everything. Who is going to suffer from Ms. Suleman's plot - her children...all 14 of them. By the way, where do you think the money is coming from right now for these kids whose mother is unemployed? The government. Who pays the government? Taxpayers, that's right, you and me so we suffer too.

So before you condemn Michael Phelps for destroying HIS OWN brain cells (it being his choice and all) think about how much money taxpayers are going to have to put out for Ms. Suleman's kids. It was her choice to use her children in this way and nothing sickens me more at the moment.

My Island may have a new inhabitant very, very soon.

Positively Positive!

2009-02-04T17:45:00.005-05:00

You don't usually get that from me do you? Being winter I am in an Eeyore like state and I seem to speak in a low monotone and look down at the floor a lot.

Not today!

Something wonderful happened today. It may seem small in comparison to the economic crisis and salmonella-ed peanut butter but I am overjoyed with it...

My 10 year old neighbor came outside today and asked if I needed help shoveling my driveway.

I think that is just one of the best things ever. His Mom wasn't even aware that he did it. He just came out with his shovel and asked if I needed any help.

Now I know that many of you that I have gotten to know through blogging have kids that would do the exact same thing but this was a first for me. The more I think about it the more I want to do something for his parents because I realize that is where the idea truly came from. It may have not been said but good parenting is priceless and when your child can reflect that parenting in their personality and share it with the world, it's magical.

Mother Nature Let Down

2009-02-03T12:43:00.003-05:00

Do you remember when you were a kid and the prospect of snow was the most exciting thing in the world? I remember going to bed on nights they were calling for snow and being so excited that the next day would be filled with things to do that you would not normally get to do. I mean think about it. If you live in a temperate zone in the US, how many days out of the year would you get to go sledding, make snow angels, have snowball fights and generally enjoy being outside in 20 degree weather? It really is a rare occurrence.

Do you remember the let down you felt when there was no snow on the ground? I have been feeling that way every time they call for snow here. We get like an inch maybe and if we get more, it's in the form of ice. You can't play in that.

I realize I am adult so I may do different things with my snow day but they are no less exciting. relaxing with tea or cocoa, maybe baking cookies or taking a mid afternoon nap in the middle of the work week is a VERY exciting prospect for me. I have been racking my brain trying to come up with the moment my Karma became stained enough so as to make Mother Nature turn on me so. It's not that I can't come up with one but I really can't come up with a total amount that would make it so that the ENTIRE winter would be like this.

I am ready to repent to Mother Nature. I am ready to run around naked in the cold. I am ready to dance with sticks. I am ready to give up my plastic freezer bags...ok maybe 1/2 of them.

JUST PLEASE GIVE ME A FREAKING SNOW DAY!

Scargosun's Grudge Classification System

2009-01-29T12:31:00.003-05:00

I have often wondered what constitutes a grudge as opposed to an unpleasant memory of a person. Grudge is a very negative word and I would hate to be harboring unneeded negativity. I mean that movie was pretty scary (I'm told, you know I don't watch that) and there were like icky demon-like things associated with it. Are these what grudges look like on our soul? If so I am in trouble. Maybe if I classify my grudges I can reduce the amount of soot on my soul.

Scargosun's Grudge Classification System
Large Scale Grudge(LSG):
You cannot help but think of revenge when you think of this person. You look for the karma bus to hit them repeatedly about the head and upper torso. They don't go away and they don't get downgraded.
Scargosun LSG Count: 2 maybe 3

Medium Scale Grudge (MSG):
You rarely think about these people. They come up in conversation or in a memory of something related. You don't wish harm upon them every time you think of them but you don't wish them well either. If you see them in public, brief bursts of LSG feelings might surface but will abate. These grudges can be downgraded over time.
Scargosun MSG Count: 1
*note - ironically enough I actually hold MSG - the additive as an MSG after I feel the effects. I know it's not a person but I thought of it in this way as soon as I started the discription.

Small Scale Grudge (SSG):
These are grudges that can almost be classified as just bad memories. You are able to look at them in perspective and learn from the events that caused the grudge. What makes them different from a bad memory is that you hold onto it in a negative way still rather than just moving on. SSG's are bad because if you are not careful, they can upgrade rather than downgrade depending on the state of your mind and the number of Prozac left in the bottle.
Scargosun SSG Count: @10

Temporary Grudge (TG):
These are temporary and most of the time go away on their own. In rare cases if provoked enough (constant contact with person who caused it, repeated reminders of person by others, etc) it can be upgraded to any of the grudges on the scale. Temporary grudges are the worst because they can just happen for small reasons that can be blown out of proportion (a perceived slight by friends or co-workers, an email tone interpreted in the wrong way, a reminder of another grudge or bad memory, etc). Most of the time, these grudges pass by the wayside and become bad memories. However, if you let them fester under the guise of not wanting to deal with it or giving it time, they can get worse quickly hurting people and friendships.
Scargosun TG Count: @ 5

I wrote this out of both amusing and sad things that were brought to my attention this week. One involved Facebook and my inability to friend someone because that person dumped me the day after I bought a prom dress to go to their prom in high school (SSG).

The other is the sad one and as Forrest Gump says, "That's all I have to say about that."

Yes Dear, That Bruise in My Nether Region is from Shoveling

2009-01-28T12:59:00.003-05:00

So P has been away for a few days. Naturally we would get a snow/ice/crap storm while he is away. Now, I shoveled last time it snowed and it was that light fluffy stuff. Very easy took no time at all.

Today, not so much.

It was that slushy combo of snow and ice that refused to stay on the shovel and dropped to the place you just managed to clear. At one point I was not paying attention to my shoveling form and I was pushing the snow/slush like a plow. I hit something with the front of my shovel and it stopped yet my body kept going forward and I managed to stab myself with the handle right smack dab in my crotchital area.

There were a couple tears and a yelp a little moaning and I remained in a bent over position as I dragged myself to an area where the neighbors would not see me. (Seriously, what was I going to say if they asked what happened?) Eventually, I sucked it up and finished the job.

When I went to take a shower, I examined my wound and yes, a nice bruise was forming there about 5 inches below my belly button. Hopefully P will believe me when I tell him about how it got there.

It's Cold Up There

2009-01-27T16:44:00.002-05:00

So yes. I have been neglecting my blog. I can see my error and I am dealing with it. Although, I have a good excuse...

It's cold in my office at home

No seriously it is flippin' cold. I go up there, the dog comes up, looks at me like, "Are you kidding me? I am going to go back downstairs, grab some trash out of the trash can and relax in the heated portion of the house."

Then I am all alone. It is sad, I know. You feel bad for me.

I have tried taking tea with me but it freezes too quickly for me to take warmth from it. It is even more pitiful when I have to chip away the ice skin on the top just to drink it. I have tried the portable heater but P freaks out about the electric bill when I use it.

That leaves trying to eck out a post here and there at work. Did you know they frown upon that? I am supposed to be doing THEIR work not mine apparently. They tell me they pay me for it.

So, because I love you all (all meaning the people that still remember me) I will be retreating to my upstairs home office more regularly now, eschewing evening re-runs of CSI and NCIS (yes I am a geek).

I am back and I will be back again tomorrow. :)

AYFKM: Chicken Pox Party?

2009-01-14T13:37:00.004-05:00

I was listening to the radio this morning and my local morning show brought up the topic of "Chickenpox Parties" and I was intrigued. I could not listen to the entire conversation because I needed to get out of my car and get into work. What I did hear really bothered me.

I have worked in healthcare pretty much since highschool when I worked as a pharmacy tech up to about three years ago when I was running a disease tracking program along with a website for a well known pharma company. Go ahead, call me evil. Anyway, I believe in vaccines. I always have and I always will. You will not sway me on this topic, don't try. So when I heard that parents were purposely exposing their children to chicken pox so as to avoid them having to get the chickenpox vaccine, I was deeply angered. You see I am living proof that the antibodies that you get from catching chicken pox do not last a lifetime.

I have had the chickenpox twice. No, I do not have a problem with my immune system. No, I did not have one or two 'pox' and then get a worse case later. I really had it twice. I had the fevers, the itching, the lack of sleep, the embarrassment of having sores all over your body...during the summer (both times). Knowing how that felt and knowing that there is no 'get it once and your never get it again' immunity (and yes, you can get mono after you have had it once) I am sickened that anyone would expose their child knowingly to such a disease when there IS in a vaccine that can help either prevent the disease or at least get a weaker case. There is an article in "Mothering" magazine about Chickenpox Parties that made me sick to my stomach. It talks about developing 'natural immunity to Varicella (chickenpox virus). I am sorry but there is not one natural thing about this 'party' process. Naturally getting a disease means you come into contact with it, on your own. Actually forcing the illness upon a child is chilling and I am sorry, I am going to say it, negligent.

It is negligent because they don't have any clue as to how their child is going to react to the disease. Did you know that the fevers from chicken pox can cause swelling of the brain? Yes, fevers can be treated but since these parents are trying a 'natural' way of getting antibodies I am going to go out on a limb here and say they probably are not going to dose their child with Tylenol or Ibuprofen if their child gets a fever. They might take them to the ER (and then thanks again for continuing the spread) but if the fever is high enough for long enough, damage is already done. Also, chickenpox sores can easily become infected causing scarring and possibly secondary infections that, if left untreated (again, going to the 'natural' thought thing again) could cause serious complications.

If you have been reading my blog for awhile, you know I am all for organic and local living but I have the Hep B vaccine and I get my flu shot every year (yes it does work and no you cannot get the flu from the flu shot) and when I am in my 60's I will get the pneumoina vaccine. If I have children, they will be vaccinated with all the required vaccines. Why? I don't want my children to get sick from preventable diseases and I would not want them to pass them on to anyone else. Don't even try to tell me, "You're not a parent, you wouldn't understand." because I do understand. I understand the science and the risks probably better than many people because I am just that smart and I do my research.